https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-27-The-Old-Mans-Ultimate-Tournament-of-Uneasy-Riders-of-the-80s-Round-1--Bracket-8-ehc6vj
The new episode finishes off the first round of the OMUTURE. Three artists face themselves, and a couple of easy listening superstars have multiple entries. There are runners, walkers, and a guy who'd rather just watch. Make sense of it all on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkENFmYDZQItPOlSz-HYeuA . Have a listen. And I am telling you you won't regret it.
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Monday, July 27, 2020
The OMUTURE: Round 1, Part 7
Another long wait, but here are the summaries of the matchups I covered in Ep. 23.
THE KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM BOWL
"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980
vs. "She Bop," Cyndi Lauper, 1984
Final Score: Turning 42, Bop 35. A high scoring affair with plenty of touchdowns. The Vapors team just seemed a little more focused. After the game, both teams had their picture taken together, but when their opponents asked to have Cyndi's team have X-rays taken and sent to them, the Boppers drew the line.
THE BARENAKED LADIES BOWL
"Centerfold," J. Geils Band, 1982
vs. "Girls, Girls, Girls, " Motley Crue, 1987
Final Score: Centrefold 31, Girls 27. Both teams played rousing football, but the difference ended up being the Geils gang's decision, inspired by Major League baseball, to just bring cardboard cutouts of their cheerleaders, so they could look but not touch. The Crue brought flesh and blood cheerleaders, and near the end of the game, they were too distracted by thoughts of scoring off the field to concentrate on putting together a game winning drive on it. They did put on quite a show in the closing seconds, but it had nothing to do with football.
THE BRICK HOUSE BOWL
"She's a Bad Mama Jama (She's Built, She's Stacked)," Carl Carlton, 1981
vs. "Da Butt," E.U., 1988
Final Score: Butt 44, Mama 10. E.U. dominated, in large part because their backfield was always in motion, but the refs never called it, and opposing coach Carlton never complained. But will the physical nature of the Butt team's end zone celebrations take its toll in the long run? Time will tell.
THE HOT TO TROT BOWL
"Sugar Walls," Sheena Easton, 1985
vs. "Me So Horny," 2 Live Crew, 1989
Final Score: Walls 28, Horny 17. The Crew came in with a lot of hype and enthusiasm, but they were worn down by halftime, after which the Walls closed in on them, surrounding them and putting the heat on them to the point where they couldn't show the stamina they had boasted about. A sweet upset for the Sugar squad.
THE SEXY SPORTS AND SHOWBIZ BOWL
"She's a Beauty," The Tubes, 1983
vs. "U Got the Look," Prince with Sheena Easton, 1987
Final Score: Look 38, Beauty 3. The Lookers drew laughter when they came out dressed more appropriately for baseball than football, but when the game kicked off, they were more than ready, slammin', jammin', and rammin' all over the field. The Tubes were tied up in knots, and it was soon clear that they only had a one in a million chance to win.
THE PRIMAL INSTINCT BOWL
"Jungle Love," The Time, 1985
vs. "Wild Thing," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Wild 34, Jungle 6. The Thing team were just more adventurous, looking to score from anywhere and often succeeding. This Time has run out.
THE STEP TO HER BOWL
"Walk This Way," Run DMC and Aerosmith, 1986
vs, "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989
Final Score: Move 38, Walk 34. Both teams had sound strategies and stylish execution, making for a close contest that was decided ided on a trick play when Harry the fullback took the handoff, then pitched back to halfback Larry, who then threw to a wide open quarterback Marvin Young in the end zone, giving the Bust boys the win over a heavily hyped dream team.
THE SEX IN DIFFERENT KINDS OF CARS BOWL II
"Talk Dirty to Me," Poison, 1987
vs. "Love in an Elevator," Aerosmith, 1989
Final Score: Elevator 30, Dirty 10. Aerosmith's vertical passing prowess proved more effective than the Poison strategy of running all over the place. After the loss, the losing team retreated to the stadium's basement and locked the door. Some speculated that this was because they were despondent, but reporters who approached the door said that it sure didn't sound that way.
THE LET'S NOT GO ALL THE WAY BOWL
"We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off," Jermaine Stewart, 1986
vs. "Keep Your Hands to Yourself," Georgia Satellites, 1987
Final Score: Hands 16, Clothes 15. There was quite a bit of hot and heavy action in the game, but neither team could go all the way, and the Satellites were intercepted three times. But then, late in the fourth quarter, there was some strange activity on the Georgia sideline that almost looked like...a wedding. Whatever it was, it unleashed enough pent up energy for the Hands team to quickly reach paydirt for the winning points. Losing coach Stewart was asked afterward if he was frustrated by his team settling for only field goals, but in between sips of cherry wine, he said no, he still had a good time.
THE EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED BOWL
"Dude (Looks Like a Lady)," Aerosmith, 1987
vs. "Funky Cold Medina," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Medina 27, Dude 21. It was close, but the Funky side just seemed to have an extra kick. There is suspicion that their victory was aided by some kind of chemical substance, but whatever it is, the OMYAM Drug Testing Lab has yet to come up with a way to detect it. It's too bad. The Dude team had some pretty snazzy uniforms.
THE BRAIN OR BRAWN BOWL
"Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club. 1982
vs. "Muscles," Diana Ross, 1982
Final Score: Genius 59, Muscles 7. Diana's team was physically strong, but lacked everything else. The Tom Tom Club got in a groove early and stayed in it the whole game. The team played with a freedom that made it seem like they had just gotten out of jail.
THE PAIN IS PLEASURE BOWL
"Whip It," Devo, 1980
vs. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)," Eurythmics, 1983
Final Score: Whip 38, Dreams 24. The Devo team was somehow to play with a loosey goosey spirited while remaining tightly disciplined. And that served them well against a tough opening opponent, who was just as happy taking punishment as delivering it. The Whip team managed to give the Dreams the slip, but the Eurythmics played well enough to be able to hold their heads up and move on.
THE LOVE FOR SALE BOWL
"Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody," David Lee Roth, 1984
vs. "Private Dancer," Tina Turner, 1985
Final Score: Gigolo 26, Dancer 10. The Roth team were more enthusiastic than the world weary Dancers, who just wanted to get the game over with. The Gigolos have a lot of fans right now, but what happens if and when the tournament goes on without them?
THE HEY GIRL BOWL
"I'm the Type of Guy," LL Cool J, 1989
vs. "Hey Ladies," Beastie Boys, 1989
Final Score: Ladies 24, Guy 17. The Boys won this physical battle delivering more hits than Sadaharu Oh. Asked about the loss, LL Cool J seemed to be more concerned about his postgame snack than the result, commenting only that "Pudding is delicious."
THE YOUR CHEATING HEART BOWL
"Nobody," Sylvia, 1982
vs. "The Rain," Oran "Juice" Jones, 1986
Final Score: Rain 38, Nobody 0. The Jones gang sat back and didn't do much in the first half, but neither did their opponents. But in the second half, the Rain brought the pain, striking hard and often, while Nobody played like a bunch of...nobodies.
THE MODEL PATIENT BOWL
"Sexual Healing," Marvin Gaye, 1983
vs. "Dress You Up," Madonna, 1985
Final Score: Healing 23, Dress 14. If this had been a fashion show, Madonna's side would have won in a walk. But in the game, the Sexual squad took the victory. Some credit their performance to their medical staff, who have a special way of treating injuries that makes their patients feel really, really good.
THE KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM BOWL
"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980
vs. "She Bop," Cyndi Lauper, 1984
Final Score: Turning 42, Bop 35. A high scoring affair with plenty of touchdowns. The Vapors team just seemed a little more focused. After the game, both teams had their picture taken together, but when their opponents asked to have Cyndi's team have X-rays taken and sent to them, the Boppers drew the line.
THE BARENAKED LADIES BOWL
"Centerfold," J. Geils Band, 1982
vs. "Girls, Girls, Girls, " Motley Crue, 1987
Final Score: Centrefold 31, Girls 27. Both teams played rousing football, but the difference ended up being the Geils gang's decision, inspired by Major League baseball, to just bring cardboard cutouts of their cheerleaders, so they could look but not touch. The Crue brought flesh and blood cheerleaders, and near the end of the game, they were too distracted by thoughts of scoring off the field to concentrate on putting together a game winning drive on it. They did put on quite a show in the closing seconds, but it had nothing to do with football.
THE BRICK HOUSE BOWL
"She's a Bad Mama Jama (She's Built, She's Stacked)," Carl Carlton, 1981
vs. "Da Butt," E.U., 1988
Final Score: Butt 44, Mama 10. E.U. dominated, in large part because their backfield was always in motion, but the refs never called it, and opposing coach Carlton never complained. But will the physical nature of the Butt team's end zone celebrations take its toll in the long run? Time will tell.
THE HOT TO TROT BOWL
"Sugar Walls," Sheena Easton, 1985
vs. "Me So Horny," 2 Live Crew, 1989
Final Score: Walls 28, Horny 17. The Crew came in with a lot of hype and enthusiasm, but they were worn down by halftime, after which the Walls closed in on them, surrounding them and putting the heat on them to the point where they couldn't show the stamina they had boasted about. A sweet upset for the Sugar squad.
THE SEXY SPORTS AND SHOWBIZ BOWL
"She's a Beauty," The Tubes, 1983
vs. "U Got the Look," Prince with Sheena Easton, 1987
Final Score: Look 38, Beauty 3. The Lookers drew laughter when they came out dressed more appropriately for baseball than football, but when the game kicked off, they were more than ready, slammin', jammin', and rammin' all over the field. The Tubes were tied up in knots, and it was soon clear that they only had a one in a million chance to win.
THE PRIMAL INSTINCT BOWL
"Jungle Love," The Time, 1985
vs. "Wild Thing," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Wild 34, Jungle 6. The Thing team were just more adventurous, looking to score from anywhere and often succeeding. This Time has run out.
THE STEP TO HER BOWL
"Walk This Way," Run DMC and Aerosmith, 1986
vs, "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989
Final Score: Move 38, Walk 34. Both teams had sound strategies and stylish execution, making for a close contest that was decided ided on a trick play when Harry the fullback took the handoff, then pitched back to halfback Larry, who then threw to a wide open quarterback Marvin Young in the end zone, giving the Bust boys the win over a heavily hyped dream team.
THE SEX IN DIFFERENT KINDS OF CARS BOWL II
"Talk Dirty to Me," Poison, 1987
vs. "Love in an Elevator," Aerosmith, 1989
Final Score: Elevator 30, Dirty 10. Aerosmith's vertical passing prowess proved more effective than the Poison strategy of running all over the place. After the loss, the losing team retreated to the stadium's basement and locked the door. Some speculated that this was because they were despondent, but reporters who approached the door said that it sure didn't sound that way.
THE LET'S NOT GO ALL THE WAY BOWL
"We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off," Jermaine Stewart, 1986
vs. "Keep Your Hands to Yourself," Georgia Satellites, 1987
Final Score: Hands 16, Clothes 15. There was quite a bit of hot and heavy action in the game, but neither team could go all the way, and the Satellites were intercepted three times. But then, late in the fourth quarter, there was some strange activity on the Georgia sideline that almost looked like...a wedding. Whatever it was, it unleashed enough pent up energy for the Hands team to quickly reach paydirt for the winning points. Losing coach Stewart was asked afterward if he was frustrated by his team settling for only field goals, but in between sips of cherry wine, he said no, he still had a good time.
THE EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED BOWL
"Dude (Looks Like a Lady)," Aerosmith, 1987
vs. "Funky Cold Medina," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Medina 27, Dude 21. It was close, but the Funky side just seemed to have an extra kick. There is suspicion that their victory was aided by some kind of chemical substance, but whatever it is, the OMYAM Drug Testing Lab has yet to come up with a way to detect it. It's too bad. The Dude team had some pretty snazzy uniforms.
THE BRAIN OR BRAWN BOWL
"Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club. 1982
vs. "Muscles," Diana Ross, 1982
Final Score: Genius 59, Muscles 7. Diana's team was physically strong, but lacked everything else. The Tom Tom Club got in a groove early and stayed in it the whole game. The team played with a freedom that made it seem like they had just gotten out of jail.
THE PAIN IS PLEASURE BOWL
"Whip It," Devo, 1980
vs. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)," Eurythmics, 1983
Final Score: Whip 38, Dreams 24. The Devo team was somehow to play with a loosey goosey spirited while remaining tightly disciplined. And that served them well against a tough opening opponent, who was just as happy taking punishment as delivering it. The Whip team managed to give the Dreams the slip, but the Eurythmics played well enough to be able to hold their heads up and move on.
THE LOVE FOR SALE BOWL
"Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody," David Lee Roth, 1984
vs. "Private Dancer," Tina Turner, 1985
Final Score: Gigolo 26, Dancer 10. The Roth team were more enthusiastic than the world weary Dancers, who just wanted to get the game over with. The Gigolos have a lot of fans right now, but what happens if and when the tournament goes on without them?
THE HEY GIRL BOWL
"I'm the Type of Guy," LL Cool J, 1989
vs. "Hey Ladies," Beastie Boys, 1989
Final Score: Ladies 24, Guy 17. The Boys won this physical battle delivering more hits than Sadaharu Oh. Asked about the loss, LL Cool J seemed to be more concerned about his postgame snack than the result, commenting only that "Pudding is delicious."
THE YOUR CHEATING HEART BOWL
"Nobody," Sylvia, 1982
vs. "The Rain," Oran "Juice" Jones, 1986
Final Score: Rain 38, Nobody 0. The Jones gang sat back and didn't do much in the first half, but neither did their opponents. But in the second half, the Rain brought the pain, striking hard and often, while Nobody played like a bunch of...nobodies.
THE MODEL PATIENT BOWL
"Sexual Healing," Marvin Gaye, 1983
vs. "Dress You Up," Madonna, 1985
Final Score: Healing 23, Dress 14. If this had been a fashion show, Madonna's side would have won in a walk. But in the game, the Sexual squad took the victory. Some credit their performance to their medical staff, who have a special way of treating injuries that makes their patients feel really, really good.
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
The OMYAM Podcast Episode #26: July 24, 1970
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-26-July-24--1970-eh29sf
New episode available now. Woodstock, Motown, Elvis, prehistoric humanoids, a hot chick on a boat, a kid and his talking flute on a (presumably different) boat, and more. YouTube has all the background: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkD9xC5juJOXJbPeHXUuYHI . Listen while having a drink or a drive, but not both, no matter how much fun a certain band made it sound.
New episode available now. Woodstock, Motown, Elvis, prehistoric humanoids, a hot chick on a boat, a kid and his talking flute on a (presumably different) boat, and more. YouTube has all the background: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkD9xC5juJOXJbPeHXUuYHI . Listen while having a drink or a drive, but not both, no matter how much fun a certain band made it sound.
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
The OMYAM Podcast Episode #25: Turn On, Tune In, Rock Out #1 - Motown #25: Yesterday, Today, Forever
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-25-Turn-On--Tune-In--Rock-Out-1---Motown-25-Yesterday--Today--Forever-egohk6
This episode kicks off a new series of looks at TV specials with the Motown 25th anniversary show that has a whole lot of Smokey Robinson on it, but everybody ended up talking about Michael Jackson for some reason. Find out why by watching the show and other clips on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQliHlvVbfeoE6wcfcpR2GZK Just reach out and click the link, and the show will be there.
Tuesday, July 7, 2020
OMYAM Podcast Episode #24: July 7, 1998
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-24-July-4--1998-egejk1
New episode up now. It's got phantoms, injuries, very large men,a building that helps sailors see, and a band that preempted the Olympics. Learn about it all on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQnwUWMy0wm3PXiQukcYh3pD. Check it out right about now. It won't let you down by missing a penalty kic or anything like that.
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
OMYAM Podcast Episode #23: The Old Man's Ultimate Tournament of Uneasy Riders of the 80s - Round 1, Bracket 7
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Epidode-23-The-Old-Mans-Ultimate-Tournament-of-Uneasy-Riders-of-the-80s---Round-1--Bracket-7-eg568a
The new episode looks at another tournament bracket, one that has its mind on matters of the heart and other organs. Quite a bit of rap and hard rock, plenty of funk and soul, some new wave, and even a bit country. And you can listen to all the song on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQm_0hu3_w9BCBiGFUQZ1m5Y . Sweet dreams are made of this episode. Who are you to disagree?
The OMUTURE: Round 1, Part 6
Finally, the follow up to the podcast episode.
THE LATE NIGHT FRIGHT BOWL
"Thriller," Michael Jackson, 1984
vs. "A Nightmare on My Street," DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, 1988
Final Score: Thriller 37, Nightmare 24. Both teams came in with scary reputations, but the Thrillers just had so many players with almost supernatural talent, and their fancy footwork crushed the dreams of the boys from the Street. And immediately after the game, Jackson's team signed up one of their opponents, a slashing defensive end named Kreuger.
THE MORE TO THE STORY BOWL
"Sequel," Harry Chapin, 1981
vs. "Major Tom (Coming Home)," Peter Schilling, 1983
Final Score: Major 35, Sequel 17. The Schilling air attack proved more effective than Chapin's ground game. The Majors have achieved liftoff on their mission to win this tournament. But will their be glitches as they start advancing further?
THE ALIENS VS. ROBOTS BOWL
"Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982
vs. "Who's Johnny," El DeBarge, 1986
Final Score: Heartlight 55, Johnny 5. The Heartlight team came out with a lot of energy, which some attributed to their unorthodox pregame meal of only Reese's Pieces. During points of the game they seemed to be literally flying, and any strategy their opponents came in with was short circuited. After the game, the Johnny players seemed very distressed by rumors that their owner was planning to disassemble the team.
THE NAME DROPPING FAMOUS LADIES BOWL
"Bette Davis Eyes," Kim Carnes, 1981
vs. "Wrap Her Up," Elton John with George Michael, 1985
Final Score: Bette 24, Wrap 7. The Eyes had it on this day, as their opponents failed to live up to their reputation for secure tackling. The Wrappers were teased, uneased, and rolled like dice. Carnes' crew looks ahead to the next round.
THE RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA BOWL
"Burning Heart," Survivor, 1986
vs, "Spies Like Us," Paul McCartney, 1986
Final Score: Heart 42, Spies 3. The Survivor squad had much more desire, and they fought hard the whole way, while the Spies seemed to just blend into the background for most of the game, only occasionally springing into action. The Burning boys may have a rocky road ahead, but they look like they will be difficult to knock out.
THE GET YOUR POPCORN READY BOWL
"The Empire Strikes Back," Meco, 1980
vs. "Pop Goes the Movies," Meco, 1982
Final Score: Pop 13, Empire 10. A more varied playbook gave the Pop team a narrow win. The Strikes force had a late field goal
attempt to tie the game, but just before the snap, the holder said something to the kicker that seemed to make the boy lose his focus and boot the ball far, far away from the goalposts.
THE WHO YOU GONNA CALL BOWL
"Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr., 1984
vs. "On Our Own," Bobby Brown, 1989
Final Score: Ghostbusters 28, Own 21. The two teams came in with similar skills and firepower, but the Busters proved to be just a little more fearless. Bobby's team found them just a little too hot to handle, and slightly too cold to hold.
THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS BOWL
"Theme from The Dukes of Hazzard," Waylon Jennings, 1980
vs. "Theme from The Greatest American Hero," Joey Scarbury, 1981
Final Score: Hazzard 28, Hero 6. Well, them Duke boys found themselves matched up with a team dressed in funny uniforms that seemed to help them do some impressive things. But those guys didn't always seem to know what to do with these powers, and with old fashioned Hazzard County ingenuity, and a little distraction from Daisy on the sidelines, the Dukes won without much trouble. And boy, did that make Boss Hogg mad.
THE LUKE AND LAURA DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE BOWL
"General Hospi-tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981
vs. "The Goonies R Good Enough," Cyndi Lauper, 1985
Final Score: Hospi-Tale 48, Goonies 0. The Delights romped over their inexperienced opponents, who weren't even bolstered by the late addition of professional wrestlers to their roster. But even while dominating the game, the General sideline seemed to be the site of a lot of drama and intrigue. Will it ultimately destroy them? Tune in next time to find out.
THE DARK KNIGHT BOWL
"Batdance," Prince, 1989
vs. "Partyman," Prince, 1989
Final Score: Dance 49, Party 10. The Batdance squad dazzled with their unpredictable tempo on offense, while the Partymen seemed to treat the game as a joke. I've seen the future, and it will be Batdance playing in the second round.
THE ROLLER SKATING IN THE THUNDERDOME BOWL
"Xanadu," Olivia Newton-John and Electric Light Orchestra, 1980
vs. "We Don't Need Another Hero," Tina Turner, 1985
Final Score: Xanadu 21, Hero 17. The Xanadu team opted to play in their skates, and it took them a while to adjust to the unforgiving Thunderdome surface. But with some otherworldly assistance and the fancy footwork of veteran halfback Gene Kelly combined to give them the win. Turner's team did need another hero after all.
THE OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE EAST COAST BOWL
"Theme from New York, New York," Frank Sinatra, 1980
vs. "Key Largo," Bertie Higgins, 1982
Final Score: New York 35, Key Largo 16. Things seemed to get off on the wrong foot for the Largo team when one of their captains asked the referee before the game in he knew how to whistle. He did, and it also turned out that he knew how to throw penalty flags, and he called the majority of fouls on Bertie's boys, including several delay of game infractions for trying to impress him with Humphrey Bogart impressions. That and the seemingly tireless efforts of the New Yorkers gave Frank's team a comfortable win. They made it here, but can they do so elsewhere?
THE DIVA MOVIE STAR BOWL
"The Way He Makes Me Feel," Barbra Streisand, 1984
vs. "Wind Beneath My Wings," Bette Midler, 1989
Final Score: Wind 10, Feel 6. More drama than action in this game. The Wings were inspired to score the game's only touchdown by one of their former players, who has been ill lately. In the postgame press conference, losing coach Streisand seemed to be less interested in talking about what happened in the game than in how her late father felt about her team's effort. No word on whether her Papa actually could hear her.
THE RICH PEOPLE DRINKING AND DRIVING BOWL
"I'm Alright," Kenny Loggins, 1980
vs. "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," Christopher Cross, 1981
Final Score: Arthur 17, Alright 14 (OT). The consensus before the game was that Loggins team was a Cinderella story, and the Cross crew were a bunch of spoiled millionaires ripe to be upset. It turned out to be a close contest that went to extra time. The Alrighters had a field goal attempt to win, but a gopher running across the field caused the kicker to shank it. The Arthur team made good on their chance, and even though it was only a first round game, they popped champagne in the locker room. The losing team were visited in the locker room by none other than the Dalai Lama, who granted them inner peace, so they've got that got that going for them, which is nice.
THE FOUR LEGS OR 100 BOWL
"White Horse," Laid Back, 1984
vs. "Centipede," Rebbie Jackson, 1984
Final Score: Centipede 34, Horse 31. The Centipede side's depth narrowly prevailed over their opponents' more concentrated horsepower. This result caused great relief for the tournament organizers, who were concerned that the Horse team weren't as laid back as advertised, and that this may indicate problems if they had to submit to drug tests.
THE DETACHABLE WINGS BOWL
"The Bird," The Time, 1985
vs. "Velcro Fly," ZZ Top, 1986
Final Score: Fly 44, Bird 14. Before the game, the Time team filed a preemptive protest on the theory that this tournament shouldn't be for everybody, only the sexy people. And in the game, they found that the Velcros could peel off tacklers seemingly at will, while clinging tenaciously on defense. The protest was immediately dismissed.
The next bracket podcast will be up soon, and the summaries will not take nearly as long to put up, I promise.
THE LATE NIGHT FRIGHT BOWL
"Thriller," Michael Jackson, 1984
vs. "A Nightmare on My Street," DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, 1988
Final Score: Thriller 37, Nightmare 24. Both teams came in with scary reputations, but the Thrillers just had so many players with almost supernatural talent, and their fancy footwork crushed the dreams of the boys from the Street. And immediately after the game, Jackson's team signed up one of their opponents, a slashing defensive end named Kreuger.
THE MORE TO THE STORY BOWL
"Sequel," Harry Chapin, 1981
vs. "Major Tom (Coming Home)," Peter Schilling, 1983
Final Score: Major 35, Sequel 17. The Schilling air attack proved more effective than Chapin's ground game. The Majors have achieved liftoff on their mission to win this tournament. But will their be glitches as they start advancing further?
THE ALIENS VS. ROBOTS BOWL
"Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982
vs. "Who's Johnny," El DeBarge, 1986
Final Score: Heartlight 55, Johnny 5. The Heartlight team came out with a lot of energy, which some attributed to their unorthodox pregame meal of only Reese's Pieces. During points of the game they seemed to be literally flying, and any strategy their opponents came in with was short circuited. After the game, the Johnny players seemed very distressed by rumors that their owner was planning to disassemble the team.
THE NAME DROPPING FAMOUS LADIES BOWL
"Bette Davis Eyes," Kim Carnes, 1981
vs. "Wrap Her Up," Elton John with George Michael, 1985
Final Score: Bette 24, Wrap 7. The Eyes had it on this day, as their opponents failed to live up to their reputation for secure tackling. The Wrappers were teased, uneased, and rolled like dice. Carnes' crew looks ahead to the next round.
THE RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA BOWL
"Burning Heart," Survivor, 1986
vs, "Spies Like Us," Paul McCartney, 1986
Final Score: Heart 42, Spies 3. The Survivor squad had much more desire, and they fought hard the whole way, while the Spies seemed to just blend into the background for most of the game, only occasionally springing into action. The Burning boys may have a rocky road ahead, but they look like they will be difficult to knock out.
THE GET YOUR POPCORN READY BOWL
"The Empire Strikes Back," Meco, 1980
vs. "Pop Goes the Movies," Meco, 1982
Final Score: Pop 13, Empire 10. A more varied playbook gave the Pop team a narrow win. The Strikes force had a late field goal
attempt to tie the game, but just before the snap, the holder said something to the kicker that seemed to make the boy lose his focus and boot the ball far, far away from the goalposts.
THE WHO YOU GONNA CALL BOWL
"Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr., 1984
vs. "On Our Own," Bobby Brown, 1989
Final Score: Ghostbusters 28, Own 21. The two teams came in with similar skills and firepower, but the Busters proved to be just a little more fearless. Bobby's team found them just a little too hot to handle, and slightly too cold to hold.
THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS BOWL
"Theme from The Dukes of Hazzard," Waylon Jennings, 1980
vs. "Theme from The Greatest American Hero," Joey Scarbury, 1981
Final Score: Hazzard 28, Hero 6. Well, them Duke boys found themselves matched up with a team dressed in funny uniforms that seemed to help them do some impressive things. But those guys didn't always seem to know what to do with these powers, and with old fashioned Hazzard County ingenuity, and a little distraction from Daisy on the sidelines, the Dukes won without much trouble. And boy, did that make Boss Hogg mad.
THE LUKE AND LAURA DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE BOWL
"General Hospi-tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981
vs. "The Goonies R Good Enough," Cyndi Lauper, 1985
Final Score: Hospi-Tale 48, Goonies 0. The Delights romped over their inexperienced opponents, who weren't even bolstered by the late addition of professional wrestlers to their roster. But even while dominating the game, the General sideline seemed to be the site of a lot of drama and intrigue. Will it ultimately destroy them? Tune in next time to find out.
THE DARK KNIGHT BOWL
"Batdance," Prince, 1989
vs. "Partyman," Prince, 1989
Final Score: Dance 49, Party 10. The Batdance squad dazzled with their unpredictable tempo on offense, while the Partymen seemed to treat the game as a joke. I've seen the future, and it will be Batdance playing in the second round.
THE ROLLER SKATING IN THE THUNDERDOME BOWL
"Xanadu," Olivia Newton-John and Electric Light Orchestra, 1980
vs. "We Don't Need Another Hero," Tina Turner, 1985
Final Score: Xanadu 21, Hero 17. The Xanadu team opted to play in their skates, and it took them a while to adjust to the unforgiving Thunderdome surface. But with some otherworldly assistance and the fancy footwork of veteran halfback Gene Kelly combined to give them the win. Turner's team did need another hero after all.
THE OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE EAST COAST BOWL
"Theme from New York, New York," Frank Sinatra, 1980
vs. "Key Largo," Bertie Higgins, 1982
Final Score: New York 35, Key Largo 16. Things seemed to get off on the wrong foot for the Largo team when one of their captains asked the referee before the game in he knew how to whistle. He did, and it also turned out that he knew how to throw penalty flags, and he called the majority of fouls on Bertie's boys, including several delay of game infractions for trying to impress him with Humphrey Bogart impressions. That and the seemingly tireless efforts of the New Yorkers gave Frank's team a comfortable win. They made it here, but can they do so elsewhere?
THE DIVA MOVIE STAR BOWL
"The Way He Makes Me Feel," Barbra Streisand, 1984
vs. "Wind Beneath My Wings," Bette Midler, 1989
Final Score: Wind 10, Feel 6. More drama than action in this game. The Wings were inspired to score the game's only touchdown by one of their former players, who has been ill lately. In the postgame press conference, losing coach Streisand seemed to be less interested in talking about what happened in the game than in how her late father felt about her team's effort. No word on whether her Papa actually could hear her.
THE RICH PEOPLE DRINKING AND DRIVING BOWL
"I'm Alright," Kenny Loggins, 1980
vs. "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," Christopher Cross, 1981
Final Score: Arthur 17, Alright 14 (OT). The consensus before the game was that Loggins team was a Cinderella story, and the Cross crew were a bunch of spoiled millionaires ripe to be upset. It turned out to be a close contest that went to extra time. The Alrighters had a field goal attempt to win, but a gopher running across the field caused the kicker to shank it. The Arthur team made good on their chance, and even though it was only a first round game, they popped champagne in the locker room. The losing team were visited in the locker room by none other than the Dalai Lama, who granted them inner peace, so they've got that got that going for them, which is nice.
THE FOUR LEGS OR 100 BOWL
"White Horse," Laid Back, 1984
vs. "Centipede," Rebbie Jackson, 1984
Final Score: Centipede 34, Horse 31. The Centipede side's depth narrowly prevailed over their opponents' more concentrated horsepower. This result caused great relief for the tournament organizers, who were concerned that the Horse team weren't as laid back as advertised, and that this may indicate problems if they had to submit to drug tests.
THE DETACHABLE WINGS BOWL
"The Bird," The Time, 1985
vs. "Velcro Fly," ZZ Top, 1986
Final Score: Fly 44, Bird 14. Before the game, the Time team filed a preemptive protest on the theory that this tournament shouldn't be for everybody, only the sexy people. And in the game, they found that the Velcros could peel off tacklers seemingly at will, while clinging tenaciously on defense. The protest was immediately dismissed.
The next bracket podcast will be up soon, and the summaries will not take nearly as long to put up, I promise.
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