October 1974. Britain holds its second election of the year, which resulted in Harold Wilson’s government going from a minority to a thin majority in Parliament. Meanwhile, the following songs gained enough support to be elected to another august body, the Top Forty.
40 - “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted,” Jimmy Ruffin
The Motown second-stringer’s biggest hit returned to the Top Ten eight years after its first release. It deserves to be a hit many times over.
39 - “Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion
The laundry-list hit only got to #33 here. Maybe the Brits were in the dark about most of the references after “Mott the Hoople.”
38 - “Love Me,” Diana Ross
Miss Ross had a small, U.K. only hit with a sex ballad featuring some pretty thinly disguised entendres (“I feel your lovin’ inside me growin’,” “Let me come with you.”). I like that she’s willing to admit that she wants a lot more than just touching in the morning.
37 - “When Will I See You Again,” The Three Degrees
The Philly soul ballad to rule them all. The U.K. stepped up and gave it the #1 it deserves.
36 - “Leave It,” Mike McGear
This is Peter Michael McCartney, younger brother of the Cute Beatle. He had some success in the sixties with the comedy band The Scaffold, but he only got this high with his one solo hit. Paul wrote this bouncy tune about a girl who gets her heart broken while trying to become famous. I think that’s it. Surprisingly, McGear sounds more like Gerry Rafferty than Macca. Nothing special, but a glimpse at a figure I had no idea existed before now.
35 - “I Honestly Love You,” Olivia Newton-John
ONJ’s first of two Triple Crowns. Heartfelt but not sappy. She says she’s not trying to make me feel uncomfortable, and she doesn’t.
34 - “I’m Leaving it Up to You,” Donny and Marie Osmond
The first hit collaboration by the Mormon teens was this cover of a 1963 Dale and Grace hit. It’s most interesting for how much Marie sounds like pre-puberty Donny. Maybe that’s why they started pairing right after his voice broke.
33 - “Happy Anniversary,” Slim Whitman
Born in Tampa, Florida, Ottis Whitman had some country success in the 50s and 60s, and at one point toured with an opening act named Elvis Presley. Surprisingly, he was a bigger star in Britain, where his “Rose Marie” topped the charts for 11 weeks in 1955. But even there, he hadn’t charted in 17 years until coming back with this celebration of a lasting marriage. He doesn’t yodel as much as he does on other songs, but this is nice, old-school country, and takes him out of the box I had put him in thanks to all the TV commercials for his “Not Available in Stores” collections in the 80s.
32 - “Na Na Na,” Cozy Powell
The third hit for the drummer born Colin Flooks was this rocker about the power of being a drummer, and how it’s better than being a “guitar star.” Love it. And I must say, if I had done more with music than just yelling at it, I’d probably bash the skins myself.
31 - “All of Me Loves All of You,” The Bay City Rollers
The Scots’ fifth hit was this jaunty boogie-popper. So light and fluffy it should have been released on a pancake instead of a vinyl disc.
30 -“Pinball,” Brian Protheroe
This Salisbury actor-singer had his only hit with this folky tune about being bored and aimless. It’s sneakily great. Doesn’t sound like much, but it draws you in and leaves you loving it.
29 - “I’m a Believer,” Robert Wyatt
Bristol-born Wyatt has been a prolific musician since the 60s, when he was part of the pioneering jazz-rock combo The Soft Machine. His biggest pop success was this cover of the Neil Diamond-penned Monkees perennial. It’s a very dramatic, very English version, but it works very well. It’s even got a violin solo. It makes me want to smash Smash Mouth in the...balls.
28 - “Love Me for a Reason,” The Osmonds
Donny and bros. only #1 here was a soul ballad about wanting a serious relationship. Okay, but the Johnny Bristol original can’t help but be better.
27 - “Samba Pa Ti,” Santana
Carlos’ band picked up a hit here with a loping instrumental taken from the then-four-year-Old Abraxas LP. Good guitar work, naturally, but little more.
26 - “Baby Love,” Diana Ross and the Supremes
Ten years after it first topped the charts, this Motown Classic was reissued and got to #12. A hit any time, anywhere,
25 - “The Black Eyed Boys,” Paper Lace
These guys last non-football-assisted hit was a jaunty number about a motorcycle-riding rock band. Not hard by any stretch, but it’s Napalm Death compared to that Bay City Rollers track.
24 - “Silly Love,” 10cc
My newest favourite band had their fifth hit by beating McCartney to the theme of “silly love songs” by a couple years. I am on record as defending Paul’s effort, but it doesn’t hold a candle to this caustic, clever stomper. Listen to this, stat!
23 - “You Little Trustmaker,” The Tymes
The Philly soulsters with a cool number about a fantastically faithful female. It obviously appealed to the Northern Soul crowd, but it was Top 20 at home too. Good job, America.
22 - “I Can’t Leave You Alone,” George McCrae
The Floridian’s followup to the Triple Crown-winning “Rock Your Baby” was only a Top Ten here. It’s very good, more on the funk side of the line than the disco side. And McCrae sounds quite a bit like Terence Trent D’Arby on this.
21 - “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” Bryan Ferry
Ferry's third solo hit was a cover of a popular standard that originated in the 1933 Broadway musical Roberta, whose original cast included Bob Hope and Fred MacMurray (and was made two years later into a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie). He does the smooth loungey thing he brings out often, and it works.
In Part Two: childbirth and chop socky, chalk and cheese.
Monday, October 29, 2018
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
...And as Years Go By: CT50 October 6, 1990
Fall 1990 in Canada. Prime Minister Brian Mulroney pushed through the unpopular Goods and Services Tax (GST). This may have been the first step towards his eventual downfall, which included the fracutring of the Quebec wing of his party, his resignation, and his party’s 1993 blowout election loss. Also in Ottawa, a certain young man was beginning an ill-starred stint in the Journalism program at Carleton University. So the songs we’re about to look at stick in his mind, perhaps more than they should.
Bonus Track #1: 56 - “I am a Wild Party,” Kim Mitchell (CanCon!)
The king of cottage rock, with the title track to his live album. It’s a loose rocker that’s reminiscent of some of the weirder moments of his Max Webster days (“I know I’m a lot of feathers and not much chicken.”). One of his best solo hits.
Bonus Track #2: 52 - “Lift Me Up,” Jeff Lynne
At the height of his run of being a Travelling Wilbury and producing records for his cohorts in that supergroup, the ELO frontman put out this solo single. It’s a positive rock song very much in the vein of the work he did with Harrison, Petty et al. Nice, but not much more.
48 - “Rock and Bird,” Cowboy Junkies (CanCon!)
Featuring three Timmins siblings (singer Margo, guitarist Michael, and drummer Peter), this Toronto group were among the early purveyors of alt-country. In 1988, they broke through with The Trinity Session, a record recorded in a church highlighted by a transcendent version of the Velvet Underground’s, “Sweet Jane.” Their third home Top 50 was this metaphorical tune about a girl who finds a rock and a bird, then ties the rock to the bird’s leg, and...then I think she breaks up with someone. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s a pretty song, and Margo Timmins’ drowsy delivery makes anything she sings worth hearing. They have better stuff than this, but it’s as good a place to start as any.
47 - “Edge of the World,” Marc Jordan (CanCon!)
Toronto songwriter Jordan had much of his success writing for other people, most notably in 1991 when Rod Stewart had a hit with “Rhythm of My Heart.” Domestically, he had occasional hits, including this big-sounding rocker about love requiring bravery and a sense of adventure, or something like that. Not great, but notable to me for having a production sound that absolutely screams “1990.” I can’t put it into words, but I know it when I hear it.
46 - “Heart in Pieces,” Tim Feehan (CanCon!)
Another guy who has been more successful working with and for others, Edmonton native Feehan picked up a hit here with this hair metal-lite about heartbreak. Well, I’m sure it’s better than the version Chicago recorded two years earlier, so there’s that.
45 - “Caroline,” Concrete Blonde
This L.A. band were originally called Dream 6, but after signing with I.R.S. Records, Michael Stipe of new labelmates R.E.M. suggested a new name. The followup to breakthrough hit “Joey” was this dark rocker about trying to save a friend from herself. It’s not the instant classic “Joey” was, but a decent track, and Johnette Napolitano is another voice I always love hearing. This is a band I always thought should have gotten huge but never did.
44 - “The World Just Keeps on Turning,” Candi and the Backbeat (CanCon!)
Torontonian Candi Pennella (also on I.R.S.!) was now being credited alongside her backing group, and they scored their second-biggest hit with this boppy dance-pop treat. I find her voice full of character. She’s a teacher now, apparently. But I like to imagine that there’s a parallel universe somewhere whe she and Alanis switch careers.
43 - “Inside My Heart,” The Box (CanCon!)
The last hit for these Montrealers was this boilerplate pop-rock number about being passionate. They were much more interesting when they were singing about office workers, murder mysteries, and the Cold War. Look those songs up instead.
40 - “Gypsy Woman,” Santana
For some reason, Carlos and co. scored an out-of-the-blue hit with a cover of this song that had been a hit previously for The Impressions and Brian Hyland. It’s okay, the guitar is predictably stellar, but still, with no CanCon connection, I don’t know why it made it here and nowhere else.
37 - “Days Like These,” Asia
The last hit for the prog supergroup behind “Heat of the Moment” was this anthemic rock track about finding inspiration from Native American wisdom and, um, reaching down your own throat and pulling something out. Empowerment through bullimia? I hope that’s not what they meant. Regardless, this is cheesy, but it will get you pumped up for something. It’s just sitting there waiting to be picked for a sports movie soundtrack.
34 - “Adios,” Linda Ronstadt
Coming off two hit duets with Aaron Neville, Linda picked up a hit here with a languid ballad about leaving a lover in California. It gives easy listening a good name.
31 - “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” The Jeff Healey Band (CanCon!)
The blind virtuoso guitarist from Toronto had his third domestic hit with a faithful cover of a George Harrison/Eric Clapton collaboration from the Beatles’ “White Album.” Not essential, but well done.
30 - “Stand,” Paul Janz (CanCon!)
This Alberta native formed a Christian Rock band called Deliverance in the late 70s, and they found some success, particularly in Germany. He went solo in the 80s and had several domestic hits, including this inspirational ballad about courage in the face of adversity. A little bland, but okay. He would later become a successful religious scholar, eventually leading the Theology department at King’s College in London. England, not Ontario. Wow.
26 - “‘Til the Fever Breaks,” The Jitters (CanCon!)
This Toronto band got a break in 1986 when they opened for Huey Lewis and the News at CNE Stadium, and they soon got a major label deal and had a couple hits that sounded like The News’ non-union Canadian equivalents, Doug and the Slugs. Their second album
23 - “I’ll Watch Over You,” Mae Moore (CanCon!)
Brandon, Manitoba native Moore had her first hit promising devotion and protection to slick folk-pop. She sounds like the tender side of Christie Hynde. The start of a solid 90s CanCon run.
22 - “That’s Life,” Sue Medley (CanCon!)
Vancouver Island native Medley would acquire some high-profile fans/patrons (Bob Dylan, John Mellencamp), but she wouldn’t break out beyond Canada, Her second hit was roots, straight-ahead rock about straightening yourself out. She might have been bigger had she come along five or so years later, when the Lilith wave hit.
19 - “Crime Against Love,” Barney Bentall and the Legendary Hearts (CanCon!)
The first single from the. Vancouver band’s second album was this rock ballad about a breakup that seems wrong. Barney had a solid little junior Boz Scaggs career up here.
11 - “All the Lovers in the World,” Gowan (CanCon!)
Larry G.’s third Top Ten was this mild rocker about how being in love is like being part of a global association of lovers. Kind of a signal of the more adult sound he’d adapt later in the decade, before he’d join Styx. So they’re now the Bob Seger of Chicago/Scarborough via Glasgow.
10 - “Girl with a Problem,” The Northern Pikes (CanCon!)
After floating around the edges of CanCon for a few years, this Saskatoon band broke through in the summer with the bluesy, lighthearted “She Ain’t Pretty.” They followed it up with their only other Top Ten, a serious song about feeling helpless in the face of a friend’s alcoholism. Affecting but not preachy. They’re another one for my “should’ve been bigger” list.
9 - “Unskinny Bop,” Poison
The hair metal conglomerate goes grittier, and it worked. But it’s still about sex, so not much of a step out. It might get you JUMP-py.
8 - “Have You Seen Her,” MC Hammer
The parachute-panted one covers the Chi-Lites, adding requests for help in his womanhunt from celebrities, including, um, Bill Cosby. I think in hindsight we can all hope he hadn’t seen her.
7 - “Praying for Time,” George Michael
Only Britain kept this powerful lament for the world’s injustices a Triple Crown. Britain, you did your boy wrong.
6 - “Can’t Stop Falling into Love,” Cheap Trick
Their last big hit was in their post-“The Flame” slickness period. Don’t love it, but can’t begrudge the success.
5 - “Thieves in the Temple,” Prince
More crazy desperate rock n’funk from the master. One of his forgotten hits, but it shouldn’t be.
4 - “Oh Girl,” Paul Young
Another Chi-Lites cover from the Brit smoothie. “Competent” is the word it makes me think of.
3 - “Release Me,” Wilson Phillips
The trio of pop progeny had their only cross-border #1 with this set-me-free ballad. You would not have believed that producer Glen Ballard would have been working with an angsty ex-teen popper from Ottawa five years later.
2 - “Something Happened on the Way to Heaven,” Phil Collins
Phil Collins, soul man. He actually convinces me of that here.
1 - “Blaze of Glory,” Jon Bon Jovi
JBJ goes solo, goes full cowboy for the Young Guns II soundtrack, a cross-border #1 ensues. “Wanted Dead or Alive” is much better.
We’re back to Britain next time. See you soon.
Bonus Track #1: 56 - “I am a Wild Party,” Kim Mitchell (CanCon!)
The king of cottage rock, with the title track to his live album. It’s a loose rocker that’s reminiscent of some of the weirder moments of his Max Webster days (“I know I’m a lot of feathers and not much chicken.”). One of his best solo hits.
Bonus Track #2: 52 - “Lift Me Up,” Jeff Lynne
At the height of his run of being a Travelling Wilbury and producing records for his cohorts in that supergroup, the ELO frontman put out this solo single. It’s a positive rock song very much in the vein of the work he did with Harrison, Petty et al. Nice, but not much more.
48 - “Rock and Bird,” Cowboy Junkies (CanCon!)
Featuring three Timmins siblings (singer Margo, guitarist Michael, and drummer Peter), this Toronto group were among the early purveyors of alt-country. In 1988, they broke through with The Trinity Session, a record recorded in a church highlighted by a transcendent version of the Velvet Underground’s, “Sweet Jane.” Their third home Top 50 was this metaphorical tune about a girl who finds a rock and a bird, then ties the rock to the bird’s leg, and...then I think she breaks up with someone. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s a pretty song, and Margo Timmins’ drowsy delivery makes anything she sings worth hearing. They have better stuff than this, but it’s as good a place to start as any.
47 - “Edge of the World,” Marc Jordan (CanCon!)
Toronto songwriter Jordan had much of his success writing for other people, most notably in 1991 when Rod Stewart had a hit with “Rhythm of My Heart.” Domestically, he had occasional hits, including this big-sounding rocker about love requiring bravery and a sense of adventure, or something like that. Not great, but notable to me for having a production sound that absolutely screams “1990.” I can’t put it into words, but I know it when I hear it.
46 - “Heart in Pieces,” Tim Feehan (CanCon!)
Another guy who has been more successful working with and for others, Edmonton native Feehan picked up a hit here with this hair metal-lite about heartbreak. Well, I’m sure it’s better than the version Chicago recorded two years earlier, so there’s that.
45 - “Caroline,” Concrete Blonde
This L.A. band were originally called Dream 6, but after signing with I.R.S. Records, Michael Stipe of new labelmates R.E.M. suggested a new name. The followup to breakthrough hit “Joey” was this dark rocker about trying to save a friend from herself. It’s not the instant classic “Joey” was, but a decent track, and Johnette Napolitano is another voice I always love hearing. This is a band I always thought should have gotten huge but never did.
44 - “The World Just Keeps on Turning,” Candi and the Backbeat (CanCon!)
Torontonian Candi Pennella (also on I.R.S.!) was now being credited alongside her backing group, and they scored their second-biggest hit with this boppy dance-pop treat. I find her voice full of character. She’s a teacher now, apparently. But I like to imagine that there’s a parallel universe somewhere whe she and Alanis switch careers.
43 - “Inside My Heart,” The Box (CanCon!)
The last hit for these Montrealers was this boilerplate pop-rock number about being passionate. They were much more interesting when they were singing about office workers, murder mysteries, and the Cold War. Look those songs up instead.
40 - “Gypsy Woman,” Santana
For some reason, Carlos and co. scored an out-of-the-blue hit with a cover of this song that had been a hit previously for The Impressions and Brian Hyland. It’s okay, the guitar is predictably stellar, but still, with no CanCon connection, I don’t know why it made it here and nowhere else.
37 - “Days Like These,” Asia
The last hit for the prog supergroup behind “Heat of the Moment” was this anthemic rock track about finding inspiration from Native American wisdom and, um, reaching down your own throat and pulling something out. Empowerment through bullimia? I hope that’s not what they meant. Regardless, this is cheesy, but it will get you pumped up for something. It’s just sitting there waiting to be picked for a sports movie soundtrack.
34 - “Adios,” Linda Ronstadt
Coming off two hit duets with Aaron Neville, Linda picked up a hit here with a languid ballad about leaving a lover in California. It gives easy listening a good name.
31 - “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” The Jeff Healey Band (CanCon!)
The blind virtuoso guitarist from Toronto had his third domestic hit with a faithful cover of a George Harrison/Eric Clapton collaboration from the Beatles’ “White Album.” Not essential, but well done.
30 - “Stand,” Paul Janz (CanCon!)
This Alberta native formed a Christian Rock band called Deliverance in the late 70s, and they found some success, particularly in Germany. He went solo in the 80s and had several domestic hits, including this inspirational ballad about courage in the face of adversity. A little bland, but okay. He would later become a successful religious scholar, eventually leading the Theology department at King’s College in London. England, not Ontario. Wow.
26 - “‘Til the Fever Breaks,” The Jitters (CanCon!)
This Toronto band got a break in 1986 when they opened for Huey Lewis and the News at CNE Stadium, and they soon got a major label deal and had a couple hits that sounded like The News’ non-union Canadian equivalents, Doug and the Slugs. Their second album
23 - “I’ll Watch Over You,” Mae Moore (CanCon!)
Brandon, Manitoba native Moore had her first hit promising devotion and protection to slick folk-pop. She sounds like the tender side of Christie Hynde. The start of a solid 90s CanCon run.
22 - “That’s Life,” Sue Medley (CanCon!)
Vancouver Island native Medley would acquire some high-profile fans/patrons (Bob Dylan, John Mellencamp), but she wouldn’t break out beyond Canada, Her second hit was roots, straight-ahead rock about straightening yourself out. She might have been bigger had she come along five or so years later, when the Lilith wave hit.
19 - “Crime Against Love,” Barney Bentall and the Legendary Hearts (CanCon!)
The first single from the. Vancouver band’s second album was this rock ballad about a breakup that seems wrong. Barney had a solid little junior Boz Scaggs career up here.
11 - “All the Lovers in the World,” Gowan (CanCon!)
Larry G.’s third Top Ten was this mild rocker about how being in love is like being part of a global association of lovers. Kind of a signal of the more adult sound he’d adapt later in the decade, before he’d join Styx. So they’re now the Bob Seger of Chicago/Scarborough via Glasgow.
10 - “Girl with a Problem,” The Northern Pikes (CanCon!)
After floating around the edges of CanCon for a few years, this Saskatoon band broke through in the summer with the bluesy, lighthearted “She Ain’t Pretty.” They followed it up with their only other Top Ten, a serious song about feeling helpless in the face of a friend’s alcoholism. Affecting but not preachy. They’re another one for my “should’ve been bigger” list.
9 - “Unskinny Bop,” Poison
The hair metal conglomerate goes grittier, and it worked. But it’s still about sex, so not much of a step out. It might get you JUMP-py.
8 - “Have You Seen Her,” MC Hammer
The parachute-panted one covers the Chi-Lites, adding requests for help in his womanhunt from celebrities, including, um, Bill Cosby. I think in hindsight we can all hope he hadn’t seen her.
7 - “Praying for Time,” George Michael
Only Britain kept this powerful lament for the world’s injustices a Triple Crown. Britain, you did your boy wrong.
6 - “Can’t Stop Falling into Love,” Cheap Trick
Their last big hit was in their post-“The Flame” slickness period. Don’t love it, but can’t begrudge the success.
5 - “Thieves in the Temple,” Prince
More crazy desperate rock n’funk from the master. One of his forgotten hits, but it shouldn’t be.
4 - “Oh Girl,” Paul Young
Another Chi-Lites cover from the Brit smoothie. “Competent” is the word it makes me think of.
3 - “Release Me,” Wilson Phillips
The trio of pop progeny had their only cross-border #1 with this set-me-free ballad. You would not have believed that producer Glen Ballard would have been working with an angsty ex-teen popper from Ottawa five years later.
2 - “Something Happened on the Way to Heaven,” Phil Collins
Phil Collins, soul man. He actually convinces me of that here.
1 - “Blaze of Glory,” Jon Bon Jovi
JBJ goes solo, goes full cowboy for the Young Guns II soundtrack, a cross-border #1 ensues. “Wanted Dead or Alive” is much better.
We’re back to Britain next time. See you soon.
Saturday, October 13, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 1. 1983 Part Two
Concluding.
20 - “What am I Gonna Do (I’m So in Love with You)” Rod Stewart
Rod’s fifteenth Top Five was this pop-rocker on which he compares his lover to, among other things, international landmarks, music, weather phenomena, and “the goal that wins the game.” I’m assuming in the latter instance, Rod imagines himself as the one scoring. Probably more than imagines, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.
19 - “Body Work,” Hot Streak
This electro-funk tune, complete with computerized voice effects, was this New Jersey outfit’s only major hit. Later, it was included on the soundtrack to the film Breakin’, which for some reason was retitled Breakdance in Britain. Very good for what it is.
18 - ‘Crushed by the Wheels of Industry,” Heaven 17
The third hit for the Sheffield synth stars was this deceptively peppy track about the infinite futility of working in a capitalist society. It’s a song that shows they could be as interestingly satirical as the work from which they derived their name, A Clockwork Orange.
17 - “Dear Prudence,” Siouxsie and the Banshees
Their only Top Five was this cover of a track from the Beatles “White Album” on which John Lennon, while in India meditating with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi along with his band mates and other celebrities, tries to convince Mia Farrow’s sister to come out of isolation and socialize. The original is sweet and sincere, and while Siouxsie seems genuine enough in her delivery, the band’s goth vibe adds kind of a sinister touch. Which is probably why I like it as much as I do.
16 - “Soul Inside,” Soft Cell
The penultimate hit of the Leeds duo’s original run was this tune on which Marc Almond seems to be trying to hang on while his life is spinning out of control. I think that’s it. North America really did miss out by ignoring them after “Tainted Love.”
15 - “This is Not a Love Song,” Public Image Ltd.
PiL’s biggest hit was this dissonant dance-rocker about trying to not sell out while making it look like you’re selling out. The fact that it went Top Five just adds another delicious level of meta.
14 - “Go Deh Yaka,” Monyaka
Apparently, there was a time when Brooklyn had a notable reggae scene, and it’s biggest product was this band, whose only hit was this poppy groove. Not sure what the lyrics are about, nor do I know why they felt it necessary to spell out their name multiple times. It’s decent enough.
13 - “Tahiti,” David Essex
Ten years after “Rock On,” Essex had his final Top Ten with this cheese-pop ode to a South Pacific island. By now, he was more Pat Boone than James Dean.
12 - “Blue Monday,” New Order
Their first Top Ten, and one of the standards of alternative rock. Dark, synth-and-bass driven dirgeyness about crumbling love. Bleakness never sounded so poppy.
11 - “Walking in the Rain,” Modern Romance
The final hit for the Blackpool popsters was this soul ballad about sympathizing with an ex’s breakup sadness. A much better song than I expected. Easily their best hit.
10 - “Ol’ Rag Blues,” Status Quo
Another one from the Quo. This one’s a pop-rocker about encouraging someone to move on with their life. The best part of it, I’m afraid, is an early reference in the lyrics to a much better song, The Who’s “Pictures of Lily.”
9 - “Chance,” Big Country
The Scots’ first Top Ten was this downer rocker about a woman who is doomed to a miserable life by marrying the wrong man. It’s okay, but how it charted nine places higher than the glorious “In a Big Country” is beyond me.
8 - “Big Apple,” Kajagoogoo
The last of the two non-“Too Shy” Top Tens from the boys from Leighton Buzzard was this New Waver about danger and intrigue in New York. It’s also their biggest hit without original singer Limahl. I like it quite a bit, and I’m not too shy to say so.
7 - “Dolce Vita,” Ryan Paris
The only major hit for Rome native Fabio Roscioli was this synth-dance trifle about idyllic romance, inspired by a certain iconic Federico Fellini film. There’s just so little to it that its appeal eludes me.
6 - ‘Mama,” Genesis
Though it fell short of the Top 40 in North America, this was the ‘Sis’ only Top Five at home. It’s an urgent, drum-machine-driven rock song about a young man with a fixation on an older prostitution. The sound evokes a dark lust, and Phil Collins’ vocals are suitably feverish and deranged. It’s more in line with their arty past than their poppy future. It has to be their best hit of the post-Gabriel era, by some distance.
5 - “Come Back and Stay,” Paul Young
The man from Luton had his second hit with this soulful plea for a lover’s return. Sticking to the basics suited him,
4 - “Tonight I Celebrate My Love,” Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson
This goopy wedding ballad was most successful here, hitting #2. They’re good singers, but this isn’t close to Flack’s collaborations with Donny Hathaway
3 - “Modern Love,” David Bowie
Another Bowie classic. Thumping rock n’soul about struggling with the concept of God. It’s part of a mini-genre within his catalogue that started with ‘Young Americans.”
2 - “Red Red Wine,” UB40
The Neil Diamond cover that set their eventual direction, for better or worse. It took five years, but it eventually got a Triple Crown. And I think it deserves it. It doesn’t seem as formulaic as their later remakes.
And at the summit 35 years ago was...
1 - “Karma Chameleon,” Culture Club
The pinnacle of Boy George and co.’s career. A passionate takedown of duplicitous phonies, and certainly in the higher ranks of Triple Crown winners. It came, but it will not go.
Next time, it’s back to Canada. Be there.
20 - “What am I Gonna Do (I’m So in Love with You)” Rod Stewart
Rod’s fifteenth Top Five was this pop-rocker on which he compares his lover to, among other things, international landmarks, music, weather phenomena, and “the goal that wins the game.” I’m assuming in the latter instance, Rod imagines himself as the one scoring. Probably more than imagines, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.
19 - “Body Work,” Hot Streak
This electro-funk tune, complete with computerized voice effects, was this New Jersey outfit’s only major hit. Later, it was included on the soundtrack to the film Breakin’, which for some reason was retitled Breakdance in Britain. Very good for what it is.
18 - ‘Crushed by the Wheels of Industry,” Heaven 17
The third hit for the Sheffield synth stars was this deceptively peppy track about the infinite futility of working in a capitalist society. It’s a song that shows they could be as interestingly satirical as the work from which they derived their name, A Clockwork Orange.
17 - “Dear Prudence,” Siouxsie and the Banshees
Their only Top Five was this cover of a track from the Beatles “White Album” on which John Lennon, while in India meditating with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi along with his band mates and other celebrities, tries to convince Mia Farrow’s sister to come out of isolation and socialize. The original is sweet and sincere, and while Siouxsie seems genuine enough in her delivery, the band’s goth vibe adds kind of a sinister touch. Which is probably why I like it as much as I do.
16 - “Soul Inside,” Soft Cell
The penultimate hit of the Leeds duo’s original run was this tune on which Marc Almond seems to be trying to hang on while his life is spinning out of control. I think that’s it. North America really did miss out by ignoring them after “Tainted Love.”
15 - “This is Not a Love Song,” Public Image Ltd.
PiL’s biggest hit was this dissonant dance-rocker about trying to not sell out while making it look like you’re selling out. The fact that it went Top Five just adds another delicious level of meta.
14 - “Go Deh Yaka,” Monyaka
Apparently, there was a time when Brooklyn had a notable reggae scene, and it’s biggest product was this band, whose only hit was this poppy groove. Not sure what the lyrics are about, nor do I know why they felt it necessary to spell out their name multiple times. It’s decent enough.
13 - “Tahiti,” David Essex
Ten years after “Rock On,” Essex had his final Top Ten with this cheese-pop ode to a South Pacific island. By now, he was more Pat Boone than James Dean.
12 - “Blue Monday,” New Order
Their first Top Ten, and one of the standards of alternative rock. Dark, synth-and-bass driven dirgeyness about crumbling love. Bleakness never sounded so poppy.
11 - “Walking in the Rain,” Modern Romance
The final hit for the Blackpool popsters was this soul ballad about sympathizing with an ex’s breakup sadness. A much better song than I expected. Easily their best hit.
10 - “Ol’ Rag Blues,” Status Quo
Another one from the Quo. This one’s a pop-rocker about encouraging someone to move on with their life. The best part of it, I’m afraid, is an early reference in the lyrics to a much better song, The Who’s “Pictures of Lily.”
9 - “Chance,” Big Country
The Scots’ first Top Ten was this downer rocker about a woman who is doomed to a miserable life by marrying the wrong man. It’s okay, but how it charted nine places higher than the glorious “In a Big Country” is beyond me.
8 - “Big Apple,” Kajagoogoo
The last of the two non-“Too Shy” Top Tens from the boys from Leighton Buzzard was this New Waver about danger and intrigue in New York. It’s also their biggest hit without original singer Limahl. I like it quite a bit, and I’m not too shy to say so.
7 - “Dolce Vita,” Ryan Paris
The only major hit for Rome native Fabio Roscioli was this synth-dance trifle about idyllic romance, inspired by a certain iconic Federico Fellini film. There’s just so little to it that its appeal eludes me.
6 - ‘Mama,” Genesis
Though it fell short of the Top 40 in North America, this was the ‘Sis’ only Top Five at home. It’s an urgent, drum-machine-driven rock song about a young man with a fixation on an older prostitution. The sound evokes a dark lust, and Phil Collins’ vocals are suitably feverish and deranged. It’s more in line with their arty past than their poppy future. It has to be their best hit of the post-Gabriel era, by some distance.
5 - “Come Back and Stay,” Paul Young
The man from Luton had his second hit with this soulful plea for a lover’s return. Sticking to the basics suited him,
4 - “Tonight I Celebrate My Love,” Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson
This goopy wedding ballad was most successful here, hitting #2. They’re good singers, but this isn’t close to Flack’s collaborations with Donny Hathaway
3 - “Modern Love,” David Bowie
Another Bowie classic. Thumping rock n’soul about struggling with the concept of God. It’s part of a mini-genre within his catalogue that started with ‘Young Americans.”
2 - “Red Red Wine,” UB40
The Neil Diamond cover that set their eventual direction, for better or worse. It took five years, but it eventually got a Triple Crown. And I think it deserves it. It doesn’t seem as formulaic as their later remakes.
And at the summit 35 years ago was...
1 - “Karma Chameleon,” Culture Club
The pinnacle of Boy George and co.’s career. A passionate takedown of duplicitous phonies, and certainly in the higher ranks of Triple Crown winners. It came, but it will not go.
Next time, it’s back to Canada. Be there.
Sunday, October 7, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 1, 1983 Part One
October 1983. Britain’s Labour Party select a new leader, Neil Kinnock, in the hopes that he can lead them to victory over the Tories. Four election losses later, they gave up and tried a guy named...John Smith. He died before he could get his shot, paving the way for some guy named Tony Blair, who I think had some success. Meanwhile, on the chart...
40 - “Gold,” Spandau Ballet
Back from our last visit to ‘83. Still standing so tall as primo New Romantic Pop.
39 - “Tears on the Telephone,” Hot Chocolate
The penultimate first-run Top 40 for the Brit-funk vets was this upbeat lament about a non-in person breakup. Solid radio pop, but their best days were behind them,
38 - “I’m Still Standing,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s first home Top Five of the decade. Apparently, he drank so much during the making of the video that it’s amazing he was still standing.
37 - “There’s Something Wrong in Paradise,” Kid Creole and the Coconuts
Evolving from Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannnah Band, August Darnell’s retro-tropicalists were a much bigger deal in Britain than they were at home. Their sixth hit was this Afro-Caribbean groove that seems to be about a decadent island dictator who is about to get his comeuppance from his previously oppressed subjects. This isn’t one of their biggest hit, but it’s a great reminder of the refreshment they contributed to pop.
36 - “Confusion,” New Order
The fifth hit from the remainder of Joy Division was this electro-dance tune about making someone unsure whether you can be trusted. There’s a lot of Kraftwerkiness in this, but they were starting to find their own unique voice.
35 - “Love in Itself,” Depeche Mode
The eighth hit for the boys from Basildon was this goth synth business about affection not being sufficient. Some interesting piano work distinguishes it from much of the band’s similar oeuvre.
34 - “Give it Up,” K.C. and the Sunshine Band
The track that for some reason gave the disco machine the #1 here they couldn’t get in their heyday. It was so much like what they were that in this era, it was almost refreshing. I’m glad they waited before they gave it up for good. And listening to it now, I’m hearing a part that sounds quite a bit like a bit from Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al.” People accused Paul of cultural appropriation, but he have also snuck in lifting from Harry Casey? Sounds unlikely, but...
33 - “Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive,” Men at Work
One of the Aussies’ lesser hits, this tune about a modern nutty professor peaked between 26 and 31 on the three charts we cover here. Impressive consistency, and pretty dead on as far as what this deserves. It deserved to be heard everywhere, but not for too long.
32 - “Midnight at the Lost and Found,” Meat Loaf
One of the four hits here in the decade where he was a non-entity at home, this is a rock song about lonely people cruising in a singles bar. It wasn’t written or produced by Jim Steinman, but it does try to capture that essence in sound and in lyrics about Captain Video and “silver bullets in the jukebox.” A solid track to keep up his character.
31 - “They Don’t Know,” Tracey Ullman
The wonderful, girl-group retro Kirsty MacColl cover that cave the actress/comedienne her biggest international hit. A triple Top Ten that really should have gotten a Triple Crown. If I could make it happen by picking a winner to strip, I would by gleefully demoting “Seasons in the Sun.”
30 - “In Your Eyes,” George Benson
The jazz guitarist’s second Top Ten here was this overwrought soul ballad. It’s one of those achingly sincere and too slick love songs that I just don’t get.
29 - “Superman,” Black Lace
The first hit by the Yorkshire cheese-pop outfit was this would be wedding floor-filler on which singer Alan Barton commands dancers to simulate flying like the Man of Steel, as well as feigning sleeping, sneezing, kissing, hitchhiking, and other things. Harmless, unhip camp.
28 - “Blue Hat for a Blue Day,” Nick Hayward
The third hit for the former Haircut One Hundred frontman was this pop lament for a dissolving marriage. What it has to do with headgear or the American states of Virginia and Minnesota is unclear. Good stuff, but I still haven’t heard anything on his own that equals “Love Plus One.”
27 - “What I Got is What You Need,” Unique
The only hit for these New Yorkers is apparently an example of “post-disco.” Apparently, that involves Gap Band-style funk synths, Chic-esque female vocals, and early rap. Sounds good to me. As does the name of the group’s mastermind, Deems J. Smith. If I need an alias for any reason in the future, I might go with that. Don’t tell anyone.
26 - “Wings of a Dove,” Madness
Their second biggest returns. Still joyous gospel-pop.
25 - “The Sun Goes Down (Living it Up),” Level 42
The first Top Ten for the boys from the Isle of Wight. It’s looser and more free-sounding than most of their other stuff. You can hear personality. Maybe the fact that two members of Earth Wind and Fire produced it has something to do with that. Regardless, I wasn’t bored after ten seconds, as is typical of my Level 42 listening experience.
24 - “Rebel Run,” Toyah
Ms. Wilcox’s penultimate Top 40 was this dramatic rocker about fighting authorities in an Orwellian dystopia. Pretty much what I would have expected given the details. And I mean that in a good way.
23 - “68 Guns,” The Alarm
The Welsh band’s breakthrough hit was this tough rocker about youthful unrest and idealism, based on a book singer Mike Peters had read about street gangs in Glasgow. A great little teen angst singalong.
22 - “New Song,” Howard Jones
Howard’s first hit, and still one of his best. We can never get enough reminding to keep an open mind and be less cynical, and those 80s synths are a sweet candy coating for the medicine.
21 - “Never Say Die (Give a Little Bit More),” Cliff Richard
It’s the inescapable Sir Cliff, this time with a poppy bit of advice on how to win her back. Although suggestions like “If you want her back, it’s a full attack” seem a bit dodgy an open to misinterpretation.
In Part Two: multiple reminders that one-hit wonders in America aren’t necessarily that at home, and a leading light of a scene I didn’t know existed.
40 - “Gold,” Spandau Ballet
Back from our last visit to ‘83. Still standing so tall as primo New Romantic Pop.
39 - “Tears on the Telephone,” Hot Chocolate
The penultimate first-run Top 40 for the Brit-funk vets was this upbeat lament about a non-in person breakup. Solid radio pop, but their best days were behind them,
38 - “I’m Still Standing,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s first home Top Five of the decade. Apparently, he drank so much during the making of the video that it’s amazing he was still standing.
37 - “There’s Something Wrong in Paradise,” Kid Creole and the Coconuts
Evolving from Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannnah Band, August Darnell’s retro-tropicalists were a much bigger deal in Britain than they were at home. Their sixth hit was this Afro-Caribbean groove that seems to be about a decadent island dictator who is about to get his comeuppance from his previously oppressed subjects. This isn’t one of their biggest hit, but it’s a great reminder of the refreshment they contributed to pop.
36 - “Confusion,” New Order
The fifth hit from the remainder of Joy Division was this electro-dance tune about making someone unsure whether you can be trusted. There’s a lot of Kraftwerkiness in this, but they were starting to find their own unique voice.
35 - “Love in Itself,” Depeche Mode
The eighth hit for the boys from Basildon was this goth synth business about affection not being sufficient. Some interesting piano work distinguishes it from much of the band’s similar oeuvre.
34 - “Give it Up,” K.C. and the Sunshine Band
The track that for some reason gave the disco machine the #1 here they couldn’t get in their heyday. It was so much like what they were that in this era, it was almost refreshing. I’m glad they waited before they gave it up for good. And listening to it now, I’m hearing a part that sounds quite a bit like a bit from Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al.” People accused Paul of cultural appropriation, but he have also snuck in lifting from Harry Casey? Sounds unlikely, but...
33 - “Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive,” Men at Work
One of the Aussies’ lesser hits, this tune about a modern nutty professor peaked between 26 and 31 on the three charts we cover here. Impressive consistency, and pretty dead on as far as what this deserves. It deserved to be heard everywhere, but not for too long.
32 - “Midnight at the Lost and Found,” Meat Loaf
One of the four hits here in the decade where he was a non-entity at home, this is a rock song about lonely people cruising in a singles bar. It wasn’t written or produced by Jim Steinman, but it does try to capture that essence in sound and in lyrics about Captain Video and “silver bullets in the jukebox.” A solid track to keep up his character.
31 - “They Don’t Know,” Tracey Ullman
The wonderful, girl-group retro Kirsty MacColl cover that cave the actress/comedienne her biggest international hit. A triple Top Ten that really should have gotten a Triple Crown. If I could make it happen by picking a winner to strip, I would by gleefully demoting “Seasons in the Sun.”
30 - “In Your Eyes,” George Benson
The jazz guitarist’s second Top Ten here was this overwrought soul ballad. It’s one of those achingly sincere and too slick love songs that I just don’t get.
29 - “Superman,” Black Lace
The first hit by the Yorkshire cheese-pop outfit was this would be wedding floor-filler on which singer Alan Barton commands dancers to simulate flying like the Man of Steel, as well as feigning sleeping, sneezing, kissing, hitchhiking, and other things. Harmless, unhip camp.
28 - “Blue Hat for a Blue Day,” Nick Hayward
The third hit for the former Haircut One Hundred frontman was this pop lament for a dissolving marriage. What it has to do with headgear or the American states of Virginia and Minnesota is unclear. Good stuff, but I still haven’t heard anything on his own that equals “Love Plus One.”
27 - “What I Got is What You Need,” Unique
The only hit for these New Yorkers is apparently an example of “post-disco.” Apparently, that involves Gap Band-style funk synths, Chic-esque female vocals, and early rap. Sounds good to me. As does the name of the group’s mastermind, Deems J. Smith. If I need an alias for any reason in the future, I might go with that. Don’t tell anyone.
26 - “Wings of a Dove,” Madness
Their second biggest returns. Still joyous gospel-pop.
25 - “The Sun Goes Down (Living it Up),” Level 42
The first Top Ten for the boys from the Isle of Wight. It’s looser and more free-sounding than most of their other stuff. You can hear personality. Maybe the fact that two members of Earth Wind and Fire produced it has something to do with that. Regardless, I wasn’t bored after ten seconds, as is typical of my Level 42 listening experience.
24 - “Rebel Run,” Toyah
Ms. Wilcox’s penultimate Top 40 was this dramatic rocker about fighting authorities in an Orwellian dystopia. Pretty much what I would have expected given the details. And I mean that in a good way.
23 - “68 Guns,” The Alarm
The Welsh band’s breakthrough hit was this tough rocker about youthful unrest and idealism, based on a book singer Mike Peters had read about street gangs in Glasgow. A great little teen angst singalong.
22 - “New Song,” Howard Jones
Howard’s first hit, and still one of his best. We can never get enough reminding to keep an open mind and be less cynical, and those 80s synths are a sweet candy coating for the medicine.
21 - “Never Say Die (Give a Little Bit More),” Cliff Richard
It’s the inescapable Sir Cliff, this time with a poppy bit of advice on how to win her back. Although suggestions like “If you want her back, it’s a full attack” seem a bit dodgy an open to misinterpretation.
In Part Two: multiple reminders that one-hit wonders in America aren’t necessarily that at home, and a leading light of a scene I didn’t know existed.
Thursday, October 4, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 September 17, 1994 Part Two
Endgame.
20 - “Parklife,” Blur
The Britpop leading lights scored their third, and possibly defining, Top Ten, with this jangly pop-rocker about the small pleasures of middle-class English life. Actor Phil Daniels’ charming Cockney delivery on the verses imprints this on your mind and ears.
19 - “Rollercoaster,” Grid
The fourth hit by the duo of David Ball and Richard Norris was this throbbing techno-house track. A fun ride, as the title suggests.
18 - “Stay (I Missed You),” Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
The hit that broke singer-songwriter Loeb when neighbors Ethan Hawke got it included on the soundtrack of his film Reality Bites. Impossibly catchy folk-pop about a relationship at a crossroads. It was denied a Triple Crown by Britain, but no shame in a 1-1-6 from an act that hadn’t even signed to a label yet.
17 - “What’s Up,” DJ Miko
Italian DJ Monier Gagliardo teams up with British singer Louise Gard for a techno cover of 4 Non Blondes recent hit rock ballad about young adult disillusionment. It actually works just as well, if not a little better, in this setting.
16 - “I Swear,” All-4-One
The cover of a sappy ballad ordinates by country singer John Michael Montgomery gave this California vocal quartet their biggest hit. It came up one spot on this chart of a Triple Crown. Cheers, mates.
15 - “Right Beside You,” Sophie B. Hawkins
The New York singer had her biggest hit here with this breathy, lusty dance track. Not quite as good as the amazing “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover,” but it would be a top moment for most.
14 - “Searching,” China Black
The first and biggest hit fo r this duo named for the ethnicities of members Simon Fung and Errol Reid was this pop-reggae love song. A little better than what UB40 were putting out around this time.
13 - “Hey Now (Girls Just Want to Have Fun),” Cyndi Lauper
The Noo Yawk legend picked up her first Top Five here in ten years with a new version of her breakout smash, giving it a reggae spin and incorporating parts of the 1974 Redbone hit “Come and Get Your Love.” Maybe not a great idea in theory, but it turned out pretty well. She’s, well, having fun.
12 - “Regulate,” Warren G. and Nate Dogg
From Long Beach, California, rapper Warren Griffin and singer Nathaniel Hale has their biggest smash with this smooth tale of robbery, murder, and sex. It all goes down smooth thanks to a groove borrowed in large part from Michael McDonald’s “I Keep Forgettin’.” This is “G-Funk,” take it or leave it. I find it hard to resist.
11 - “Crazy for You,” Let Loose
Another boy band. This one’s biggest hit was this danceable tune about lusting after a model.
Catchier than most, with some nice rock guitar. I’m slightly unbalanced for it.
10 - “Incredible,” M-Beat
The big hit for this group featuring reggae DJ Paul “General” Levy was this example of the “jungle” genre, which is like techno mixed with dub at a very high BPM rate. I’m not sure I’d be willing to take the right drugs for me to get it.
9 - “What’s the Frequency Kenneth,” R.E.M.
The Georgia boys’ third Top Ten was this rocker about modern immersion in media. The title was taken from a 1986 incident when CBS News anchor Dan Rather was mugged outside his apartment by two men, one of whom repeatedly asked him, “Kenneth, what is the frequency.” Great song, and the origin of the title combined with Michael Stipe’s usual inscrutable lyrics, make it an Uneasy Rider.
8 - “Compliments on Your Kiss,” Red Dragon with Brian and Tony Gold
These Jamaicans had their biggest moment with this dancehall love song. Earwormy goodness.
7 - “7 Seconds,” Youssou N’Dour and Neneh Cherry
Senegalese singer N’Dour was a superstar in Africa, and had gotten into Western ears with collaborations with Peter Gabriel, when he picked up a Top Five here teaming up with Cherry on an ethereal track about the innocent ignorance of children at birth. N’Dour sings in English, French, and his native Wolof language, but their is no barrier. The message is clear throughout.
6 - “I’ll Make Love to You,” Boyz II Men
The Philly harmonizers’ seduction ballad was denied the Triple Crown by the Brits, who held it to #5. It would have been a worthy crown-wearer, but oh well.
5 - “Rhythm of the Night,” Corona
This Italian act, fronted by Brazilian model Olga Maria de Souza, has their one big international hit
with some joyful Eurodance noise. More distinctive than most of its peers.
4 - “Confide in Me,” Kylie Minogue
A change of direction gave Kylie her sixteenth Top Ten in the form of this dark, trip-hoppy rocker about inviting someone to share their secrets. Surprisingly not jarring. Under the North American radar, she was as versatile and musically adaptable as Madonna. Who knew?
3 - “Endless Love,” Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross
Two superstars cover two other superstars. It was too soon afterward not to invite pale comparison, but still, hard to be against any Luther delivery system.
2 - “Love is All Around,” Wet Wet Wet
The Scottish pop group covered a 1967 hit by The Troggs for a British romcom called Four Weddings and a Funeral. The film became a massive hit, and the competent but unremarkable cover rocketed into the stratosphere, staying at #1 for a whopping 15 weeks. This would have been 16, which would have tied it with another movie ballad, “Everything I Do, I Do it For You,” but sadly, it fell just short. I would have been rooting for it, because it doesn’t take much to be preferable to the moment Bryan Adams turned to shit.
And the song that may have been Mr. Adams favourite at least for that week was...
1 - “Saturday Night,” Whigfield
Danish singer Sannie Carlson took her stage name from that of her piano teacher, and came out of the box debuting at #1 here with a song she recorded while working as a model in Italy. Her voice is girly-squeaky, and the lyrics are just standard stuff about dancing and flirting, but they combine with some top-drawer Eurodance beats to make something pretty damn great. I’m not completely immune to the charms of fluffy dance music, you know.
Another done. Britain again next time. See you soon.
20 - “Parklife,” Blur
The Britpop leading lights scored their third, and possibly defining, Top Ten, with this jangly pop-rocker about the small pleasures of middle-class English life. Actor Phil Daniels’ charming Cockney delivery on the verses imprints this on your mind and ears.
19 - “Rollercoaster,” Grid
The fourth hit by the duo of David Ball and Richard Norris was this throbbing techno-house track. A fun ride, as the title suggests.
18 - “Stay (I Missed You),” Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
The hit that broke singer-songwriter Loeb when neighbors Ethan Hawke got it included on the soundtrack of his film Reality Bites. Impossibly catchy folk-pop about a relationship at a crossroads. It was denied a Triple Crown by Britain, but no shame in a 1-1-6 from an act that hadn’t even signed to a label yet.
17 - “What’s Up,” DJ Miko
Italian DJ Monier Gagliardo teams up with British singer Louise Gard for a techno cover of 4 Non Blondes recent hit rock ballad about young adult disillusionment. It actually works just as well, if not a little better, in this setting.
16 - “I Swear,” All-4-One
The cover of a sappy ballad ordinates by country singer John Michael Montgomery gave this California vocal quartet their biggest hit. It came up one spot on this chart of a Triple Crown. Cheers, mates.
15 - “Right Beside You,” Sophie B. Hawkins
The New York singer had her biggest hit here with this breathy, lusty dance track. Not quite as good as the amazing “Damn I Wish I was Your Lover,” but it would be a top moment for most.
14 - “Searching,” China Black
The first and biggest hit fo r this duo named for the ethnicities of members Simon Fung and Errol Reid was this pop-reggae love song. A little better than what UB40 were putting out around this time.
13 - “Hey Now (Girls Just Want to Have Fun),” Cyndi Lauper
The Noo Yawk legend picked up her first Top Five here in ten years with a new version of her breakout smash, giving it a reggae spin and incorporating parts of the 1974 Redbone hit “Come and Get Your Love.” Maybe not a great idea in theory, but it turned out pretty well. She’s, well, having fun.
12 - “Regulate,” Warren G. and Nate Dogg
From Long Beach, California, rapper Warren Griffin and singer Nathaniel Hale has their biggest smash with this smooth tale of robbery, murder, and sex. It all goes down smooth thanks to a groove borrowed in large part from Michael McDonald’s “I Keep Forgettin’.” This is “G-Funk,” take it or leave it. I find it hard to resist.
11 - “Crazy for You,” Let Loose
Another boy band. This one’s biggest hit was this danceable tune about lusting after a model.
Catchier than most, with some nice rock guitar. I’m slightly unbalanced for it.
10 - “Incredible,” M-Beat
The big hit for this group featuring reggae DJ Paul “General” Levy was this example of the “jungle” genre, which is like techno mixed with dub at a very high BPM rate. I’m not sure I’d be willing to take the right drugs for me to get it.
9 - “What’s the Frequency Kenneth,” R.E.M.
The Georgia boys’ third Top Ten was this rocker about modern immersion in media. The title was taken from a 1986 incident when CBS News anchor Dan Rather was mugged outside his apartment by two men, one of whom repeatedly asked him, “Kenneth, what is the frequency.” Great song, and the origin of the title combined with Michael Stipe’s usual inscrutable lyrics, make it an Uneasy Rider.
8 - “Compliments on Your Kiss,” Red Dragon with Brian and Tony Gold
These Jamaicans had their biggest moment with this dancehall love song. Earwormy goodness.
7 - “7 Seconds,” Youssou N’Dour and Neneh Cherry
Senegalese singer N’Dour was a superstar in Africa, and had gotten into Western ears with collaborations with Peter Gabriel, when he picked up a Top Five here teaming up with Cherry on an ethereal track about the innocent ignorance of children at birth. N’Dour sings in English, French, and his native Wolof language, but their is no barrier. The message is clear throughout.
6 - “I’ll Make Love to You,” Boyz II Men
The Philly harmonizers’ seduction ballad was denied the Triple Crown by the Brits, who held it to #5. It would have been a worthy crown-wearer, but oh well.
5 - “Rhythm of the Night,” Corona
This Italian act, fronted by Brazilian model Olga Maria de Souza, has their one big international hit
with some joyful Eurodance noise. More distinctive than most of its peers.
4 - “Confide in Me,” Kylie Minogue
A change of direction gave Kylie her sixteenth Top Ten in the form of this dark, trip-hoppy rocker about inviting someone to share their secrets. Surprisingly not jarring. Under the North American radar, she was as versatile and musically adaptable as Madonna. Who knew?
3 - “Endless Love,” Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross
Two superstars cover two other superstars. It was too soon afterward not to invite pale comparison, but still, hard to be against any Luther delivery system.
2 - “Love is All Around,” Wet Wet Wet
The Scottish pop group covered a 1967 hit by The Troggs for a British romcom called Four Weddings and a Funeral. The film became a massive hit, and the competent but unremarkable cover rocketed into the stratosphere, staying at #1 for a whopping 15 weeks. This would have been 16, which would have tied it with another movie ballad, “Everything I Do, I Do it For You,” but sadly, it fell just short. I would have been rooting for it, because it doesn’t take much to be preferable to the moment Bryan Adams turned to shit.
And the song that may have been Mr. Adams favourite at least for that week was...
1 - “Saturday Night,” Whigfield
Danish singer Sannie Carlson took her stage name from that of her piano teacher, and came out of the box debuting at #1 here with a song she recorded while working as a model in Italy. Her voice is girly-squeaky, and the lyrics are just standard stuff about dancing and flirting, but they combine with some top-drawer Eurodance beats to make something pretty damn great. I’m not completely immune to the charms of fluffy dance music, you know.
Another done. Britain again next time. See you soon.
Friday, September 28, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 September 17, 1994 Part One
September 1994. In Britain...um...three London Underground stations were about to close. That’s something. Is the chart more interesting? Let’s see.
40 - “Let’s Get Ready to Rhumble,” PJ and Duncan
Newcastle natives Anthony McPartlin first met when they acted together in the teen soap Byker Grove. After they left that show, they started a pop-rap career using the first names of their old TV characters. Their first Top Ten was bit of peppy, parent-friendly brattiness. They have had many more hit since, but their biggest success as come as duo “Ant and Dec,” presenting comedy, variety, and quiz programmes, including Pop Idol and Britain’s Got Talent.
39 - “Letitgo,” Prince
The Purple Symbol was in the midst of trying to get out of his contract with the Warner Bros. label, and this song was a funky declaration that he was just going to ride it out and give the label just enough to fulfill his obligations. It’s much better than that premise would lead you to believe.
38 - “Inside Out,” Shara Nelson
Nelson’s fourth hit sees her accompanied only with electric guitar on a ballad about loving someone who knows you well. Simple and sublime.
37 - “Sugar Sugar,” Duke Baysee
I can’t find much about this guy, not the least his real name, but I did learn that he was a former bus conductor who had his only hit by contributing dancehall toasts to a dance-funk cover of the 1969 Archies chestnut. Okay, but nothing about it had a shelf life.
36 - “Wilmot,” Sabres of Paradise
The biggest hit by this group led by house DJ Andy Weatherall was this atmospheric chunk of dub/trip-hop/chillout. Whatever it is, I quite like it.
35 - “So Good,” Eternal
The girl group’s fourth hit was this danceable love song. Its appeal doesn’t live up to their name.
34 - “Unbearable,” The Wonder Stuff
The Stuffies last hit was, ironically enough, a reissue of an early single from 1987. Fun pop-rock about someone who rubs you the wrong way. I liked it very much when I met it, and now I like it even more.
33 - “Warriors,” Aswad
The penultimate hit for the London reggae outfit was this okay track about fighting for freedom and such. Energetic delivery, but not much impact.
32 - “Someone to Love,” Sean Maguire
By-numbers dance pop from a cute boy. One of the only timeless formulas for pop success.
31 - “Elegantly American EP,” M People
This EP contains remixes of their previous two hits “One Night in Heaven” and “Movin’ On Up.” Not essential, but more Heather Small isn’t a bad thing.
30 - “Fireworks,” Roxette
They were done having hits in America, but the Swedish duo was still cracking the charts here with tracks like this one about memories of loves past. Their typical power pop-rock, which is enough to
make me smile.
29 - “Know by Now,” Robert Palmer
Another artist done in the U.S. but still charting here, Palmer shows up with a lite-funk love song.
Nice, but it just doesn’t have the fire or soul of his biggest hits.
28 - “Eighteen Strings,” Tinman
Hull DJ Paul Dakeyne had his biggest hit with this house track featuring a hard rock guitar riff and a Run DMC sample. Fine strutting music.
27 - “Welcome to Tomorrow (Are You Ready),” Snap!
The final Top Ten for the German dance machine was this fast track that features some nice singing from a lady called Summer, but no rap. Turbo B is nowhere to be heard, and I don’t want that.
26 - Love Here I Come,” Bad Boys Inc.
The last of six hits for yet another boy band. Mediocre singing, mediocre lyrics, mediocre house beats. So an all-time classic, obviously.
25 - “Blame it on Me,” D-Ream
More boybandliness. Above average in its category. Points added for being from Derry, where I can personally tell you good things come out of. A point off for feeling the need to tell me that "ditty" means "song.
24 - “Dreamer,” Livin’ Joy
Italian Eurodance notable mainly because it got to #18 in this first run, but went to #1 a year later. More mild amusement than joy.
23 - “Yesterday When I Was Mad,” Pet Shop Boys
This is Eurodance as well, but Neil Tennant adds his snotty haughtiness, and therefore, magic is made
22 - “Atomic (Remix),” Blondie
An updated treatment of the band’s 1980 hit. It fits perfectly in the dance context of the time, and doesn’t sound ruined. A neat trick. Debbie is timeless.
21 - “Trouble,” Shampoo
From Plumstead in London, Jacqui Blake and Carrie Askew had their first and biggest hit with this bratty bubblegummer about staying out late and getting up to no good. Fun, in a sanitized-License to Ill sort of way.
In Part Two: another updating of an 80s hit, a song inspired by the mugging of a celebrity, and a monster movie ballad.
40 - “Let’s Get Ready to Rhumble,” PJ and Duncan
Newcastle natives Anthony McPartlin first met when they acted together in the teen soap Byker Grove. After they left that show, they started a pop-rap career using the first names of their old TV characters. Their first Top Ten was bit of peppy, parent-friendly brattiness. They have had many more hit since, but their biggest success as come as duo “Ant and Dec,” presenting comedy, variety, and quiz programmes, including Pop Idol and Britain’s Got Talent.
39 - “Letitgo,” Prince
The Purple Symbol was in the midst of trying to get out of his contract with the Warner Bros. label, and this song was a funky declaration that he was just going to ride it out and give the label just enough to fulfill his obligations. It’s much better than that premise would lead you to believe.
38 - “Inside Out,” Shara Nelson
Nelson’s fourth hit sees her accompanied only with electric guitar on a ballad about loving someone who knows you well. Simple and sublime.
37 - “Sugar Sugar,” Duke Baysee
I can’t find much about this guy, not the least his real name, but I did learn that he was a former bus conductor who had his only hit by contributing dancehall toasts to a dance-funk cover of the 1969 Archies chestnut. Okay, but nothing about it had a shelf life.
36 - “Wilmot,” Sabres of Paradise
The biggest hit by this group led by house DJ Andy Weatherall was this atmospheric chunk of dub/trip-hop/chillout. Whatever it is, I quite like it.
35 - “So Good,” Eternal
The girl group’s fourth hit was this danceable love song. Its appeal doesn’t live up to their name.
34 - “Unbearable,” The Wonder Stuff
The Stuffies last hit was, ironically enough, a reissue of an early single from 1987. Fun pop-rock about someone who rubs you the wrong way. I liked it very much when I met it, and now I like it even more.
33 - “Warriors,” Aswad
The penultimate hit for the London reggae outfit was this okay track about fighting for freedom and such. Energetic delivery, but not much impact.
32 - “Someone to Love,” Sean Maguire
By-numbers dance pop from a cute boy. One of the only timeless formulas for pop success.
31 - “Elegantly American EP,” M People
This EP contains remixes of their previous two hits “One Night in Heaven” and “Movin’ On Up.” Not essential, but more Heather Small isn’t a bad thing.
30 - “Fireworks,” Roxette
They were done having hits in America, but the Swedish duo was still cracking the charts here with tracks like this one about memories of loves past. Their typical power pop-rock, which is enough to
make me smile.
29 - “Know by Now,” Robert Palmer
Another artist done in the U.S. but still charting here, Palmer shows up with a lite-funk love song.
Nice, but it just doesn’t have the fire or soul of his biggest hits.
28 - “Eighteen Strings,” Tinman
Hull DJ Paul Dakeyne had his biggest hit with this house track featuring a hard rock guitar riff and a Run DMC sample. Fine strutting music.
27 - “Welcome to Tomorrow (Are You Ready),” Snap!
The final Top Ten for the German dance machine was this fast track that features some nice singing from a lady called Summer, but no rap. Turbo B is nowhere to be heard, and I don’t want that.
26 - Love Here I Come,” Bad Boys Inc.
The last of six hits for yet another boy band. Mediocre singing, mediocre lyrics, mediocre house beats. So an all-time classic, obviously.
25 - “Blame it on Me,” D-Ream
More boybandliness. Above average in its category. Points added for being from Derry, where I can personally tell you good things come out of. A point off for feeling the need to tell me that "ditty" means "song.
24 - “Dreamer,” Livin’ Joy
Italian Eurodance notable mainly because it got to #18 in this first run, but went to #1 a year later. More mild amusement than joy.
23 - “Yesterday When I Was Mad,” Pet Shop Boys
This is Eurodance as well, but Neil Tennant adds his snotty haughtiness, and therefore, magic is made
22 - “Atomic (Remix),” Blondie
An updated treatment of the band’s 1980 hit. It fits perfectly in the dance context of the time, and doesn’t sound ruined. A neat trick. Debbie is timeless.
21 - “Trouble,” Shampoo
From Plumstead in London, Jacqui Blake and Carrie Askew had their first and biggest hit with this bratty bubblegummer about staying out late and getting up to no good. Fun, in a sanitized-License to Ill sort of way.
In Part Two: another updating of an 80s hit, a song inspired by the mugging of a celebrity, and a monster movie ballad.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
The Old Man’s Ultimate 70s Uneasy Rider Tournament: Round One, Part 7
Our penultimate group has a lot of songs about music and the record biz, plus some topical-at-the-time hits.
THE HELL OF A BAND BOWL
“Rock and Roll Heaven,” The Righteous Brothers, 1974
vs. “The King is Gone,” Ronnie McDowell, 1977
Two hits that pay tribute to deceased rock stars. Unrelated twosome Bobby Hatfield and Bill Medley returned to the charts after eight years with a #3 ode to a handful of deceased rockers, from Hendrix and Joplin to Croce and Darin. Tennessean McDowell, on the other hand, narrowed his focus on his #13 tribute to the then-recently deceased Elvis Presley.
Final Score: King 42, Heaven 27. It was a case of one transcendent star finding a way to overcome a team of greats. The Righteous team treated imagined their subjects as angels, but McDowell’s effort was so reverential and hymnlike that it made Elvis seem like a god who visited Earth, ultimately making his opponents lose that winning feeling.
THE YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN...OR CAN YOU? BOWL
“Garden Party,” Rick Nelson, 1972
vs. “Let ‘em In,” Wings, 1976
Two songs featuring reference to famous musicians, including a Beatle. Former teen heartthrob Nelson got to #6 with a song about and unpleasant experience at a rock nostalgia show. The lyrics refer to Chuck Berry, Bob Dylan, and John Lennon (“Yoko brought her Walrus.”). Meanwhile, Sir Paul et al reached #3 with a song about welcoming people into his home, including not just relatives of his and Linda’s, but the Everly Brothers (“Phil and Don”) and Ringo Starr (“Uncle Ernie,”a reference to Ringo playing that character on a London Symphony recording of The Who’s Tommy.
Final Score: Garden 20, Let 3. A methodical win for Nelson’s team, who were aggressive while the Wings were pretty laid-back. It may have helped that Rick evened the odds by throwing in a sly reference to a second Beatle in the form of “Mr. Hughes,” which was a road pseudonym for George Harrison.
THE ON THE WAY UP BOWL
“Overnight Sensation (Hit Record),” The Raspberries, 1974
vs. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You,” Jerry Corbetta and Sugarloaf, 1975
Two songs about bands trying to hit the big time. Cleveland’s Raspberries reached #18 by applying their power pop to an examination of the hitmaking process, from writing the song to making the demo tape to schmoozing radio programmers. Meanwhile, Denver-based Corbetta and company got to #9 with a bluesy rocker about being given the runaround by record executives when trying to get signed, and then being able to turn the tables when you get a hit.
Final Score: Call 27, Sensation 17. It would be easy to joke that any team from Cleveland trying to play football was bound to lose, but like this year’s Browns, the Raspberries made a good account of themselves. But Sugarloaf, borrowing from the Ray Stevens playbook, played in the nude for one second-quarter drive, allowing for an easy score. Plus they blinded their opponents on a crucial late drive by coating the football in glitter. After the game, reporters tried to contact the referee to ask why such tactics were allowed, but they were directed to a voicemail that promised a prompt reply. That reply has yet to come.
THE ROCKSTAR GOALS BOWL
“The Cover of the Rolling Stone,” Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, 1973
vs. “We’re an American Band,” Grand Funk Railroad, 1973
More musical aspiration. First, a New Jersey band got to #6 with this Shel Silverstein-penned tune iabout a group that has everything they ever dreamed of...except a cover story on a certain popular rock periodical. Later that same year, a Michigan trio topped the charts with a hard rocking statement of their intent to drink, fornicate, and “party down” their way across their homeland while on tour.
Final Score: Cover 49, Band 45. An action-packed affair. Both sides could score seemingly at will, but in the end, the Grand Funkers got derailed late by the realization that there was no satisfactory destination awaiting at the end of their journey of debauchery. In contrast, Dr. Hook and his troupe had a goal to focus on, and, perhaps with the help of their “genuine Indian guru,” they stayed on the path and achieved their dreams of both advancing to the next round and getting their image rendered on the front of their magazine of choice.
THE HOW THE SAUSAGE GETS MADE BOWL
“This Song,” George Harrison, 1976
vs, “The Load-Out/Stay” Jackson Browne, 1978
Two songs about the inside of the music business. The quiet Beatle made it to #25 with a satirical reaction to his losing a copyright-infringement lawsuit about “My Sweet Lord”’s similarities to the Chiffons hit “He’s So Fine,” Meanwhile, California singer-songwriter Browne hit #20 with a description of what it’s like between an artists tour stops, from the roadies loading up the equipment onto the trucks to the band’s selection of audiovisual entertainment on the tour bus.
Final Score: Load 19, Song 9. Harrison’s side played very cautiously, not wanting to break rules and suffer costly penalties. This allowed the hard-working Browne team to grind out the win. They get to stay just a little bit longer, The tournament promoter don’t mind.
THE SONGWRITER SAFKA BOWL
“Look What They Done to My Song, Ma,” The New Seekers, 1970
vs. “The Nickel Song,” Melanie, 1972
Two songs that Melanie Safka wrote about...writing songs. First, the British light entertainment outfit made it to #14 with a ditty about not liking someone else’s version of your composition. Then, the author herself reached #35 with a number about record companies demanding her service for little compensation.
Final Score: Game cancelled. “Look What They Done...” advances via disqualification. Officials removed “The Nickel Song” because of its multiple mentions of gambling. The Old Man runs a clean tournament here, and he will not allow even the slightest hint of impropriety to sully this hallowed event. Ms. Safka’s punishment is a fine of $500, or she can write 10,000 songs and sign over their publishing rights.
THE RADIO RADIO BOWL
“WOLD,” Harry Chapin, 1974
vs. “FM (No Static at All,)” Steely Dan, 1978
Two songs about radio that got on the radio. Brooklyn folkie Chapin reached #36 with a tune sung from the point of view of an aging journeyman disc jockey telling his ex-wife about his current gig in Boise, Idaho. Then, pop’s leading jazz-rock iconoclasts made it to #22 with a tribute to/takedown of frequency modulated rock stations.
Final Score: Chapin 12, Dan 10. Experience in the running game gave the Chapin team the edge over the too slick Dan crew. The WOLD boys leave for another game in another town, something they’re used to. But the loss caused no static in the FM camp, because the girls don’t seem to care.
THE MUSIC ABOUT MUSIC BOWL
“Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion, 1974
vs. “Pop Musik,” M, 1979
Two hits that celebrate pop in different ways. Studio group Reunion got to #8 with a bubblegummy laundry list of people, groups, titles, lyrics, and other references to pop, rock, and other well-known music. Later, Brit Robin Scott had a #1 with a synthpop tribute to the endurance and universality of the hit song.
Final Score: Rock 66, Pop 3. Reunion rolled. They were just too fast, too relentless, too varied. Whether the game had been played in New York, London, Paris, or Munich, the result would have been the same.
THE LOOKING BACK BOWL
“American Pie,” Don McLean, 1972
vs. “Video Killed the Radio Star,” The Buggles, 1979
Two songs that celebrate nostalgia. New York troubadour McLean picked up a #1 with his long, cryptic rumination on pop using the recurring motif of “the day the music died.” On the other ed of the chart and the decade, England’s Buggles peaked at #40 in the last month of the 70s with a New Wave tribute to the pre-television days when “the wireless” ruled the world.
Final Score: Pie 59, Video 25. The McLean gang killed the Buggles softly, yet decisively. It was close at halftime, but when the Video team tried to come out for the second half, they were delayed by a marching band that insisted on finishing their song, and they weren’t the same team after that. After the game, the Buggles reportedly blamed the loss on someone, or something, with the initials “VCR.”
THE META AND METAPHOR BOWL
“Eighteen with a Bullet,” Pete Wingfield, 1975
vs. “Whispering/Cherchez la Femme/Se Si Bon,” Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, 1976
A song that uses record biz lingo takes on a number that references a future music mogul. Englishman Wingfield got to #15 with a song that tries to impress a lover by comparing himself to a rising hit single. Meanwhile, a New York jazz-funk outfit hit #27 with a song about looking for love featuring a character named, “Tommy Mottola,” who was their then-manager and later run Sony Music and, for a time, be married to Mariah Carey.
Final Score: Bullet 18, Femme 9. Wingfield and company had the momentum, and they are now moving up the list. Dr. Buzzard’s team just couldn’t cherchez enough points.
THE HABIT BOWL
“No No Song,” Ringo Starr, 1975
vs. “Junk Food Junkie,” Larry Groce, 1976
Two songs about illicit temptations. The ex-Beatle drummer went to #3 with a song about a recovering addict who turns down offers of drugs and alcohol. A year later, Dallas-born musician Groce made it to #9 with a novelty hit about a secret, shameful jones for soda , sweets, and fast food.
Final Score: Junkie 21, No 20. You would expect that clean living would have triumphed over high-calorie indulgence, but it turned out that the Junkies’ size eked out a win after Ringo’s team missed a key extra point. It was the one thing they couldn’t kick. But at least they were able to find the door out of the stadium.
THE CRAZIEST PARTIES THAT COULD EVER BE BOWL
“Mama Told Me Not to Come,” Three Dog Night, 1970
vs. “Hotel California,” Eagles, 1977
Two Number Ones about strange gatherings. First, 3DN turned the trick with a Randy Newman composition about a small-town boy freaked out by a wild L.A. soirée. Seven years later, SoCal’s country-rock chroniclers hit the top with a metaphor-laden epic comparing Los Angeles to a mysterious, foreboding inn.
Final Score: Hotel 42, Mama 19. The Three Dog knights were having a good time for themselves early on, but as the game wore on, they were clearly rattled by the smell of colitas and the sight of their opponents attempting to stab an animal on the sidelines. Many of the Eagles’ opponents were forced to leave the game with symptoms of something called “the “Mercedes bends.” And even though the game has been over for a while, I’m told the Mama team has still been unable to find their way out of the stadium.
THE SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD PEOPLE BOWL
“Immigrant Song,” Led Zeppelin, 1971
vs. “The Immigrant,” Neil Sedaka, 1975
Two songs about strangers in strange lands. First, Led Zep got to #16 with a driving rocker about Viking invaders coming to conquer new territory. Then, Brill Building vet Sedaka reaches #22 with a song about hopeful people coming to America who are sometimes disappointed; it was inspired by U.S. government efforts to deport John Lennon for his activism.
Final Score: Zeppelin 55, Sedaka 0. Neil’s team could only manage a weak defense, which got them overpowered by the Vikingesque rampage of Zep. It didn’t help that the game was played in inclement weather, which played right in to the hands of the team from the land of ice and snow. Sedaka’s newcomers were sent back to where they came from.
THE WATER BOWL
“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey,” Paul and Linda McCartney, 1971
vs. “Calypso,” John Denver, 1975
Two songs about boats and sailors. The McCartneys topped the charts with a three-part number that including a cheeky semi-tribute to real life American naval officer William “Bull” Halsey. Four years later, folkie Denver had his own #1 with a tribute to the research vessel used by world-renowned oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.
Final Score: Albert 33, Calypso 10. The McCartneys varied offence prevailed over the Denver strategy of simply diving straight ahead and seeing what happens. But the Calypso squad has apparently produced a fascinating documentary on their loss, complete with smart-sounding, French-accented narration.
THE BIG PRODUCTION NUMBER BOWL
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen, 1975
vs. “Summer Nights,” John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, 1978
Two songs that sound like they’re being performed by a cast of dozens. England’s most theatrical hard rockers made it to #9 with an operatic tale of crime, punishment and rebellion. Meanwhile, ex-Sweathog Travolta and pop princess Newton-John hit #5, with the help of their Grease castmates, with a tale of the summertime romance between their characters, Danny and Sandy.
Final Score: Rhapsody 40, Nights 13. The Bohemians dominated, with an attack that some compared to thunderbolts and lightning, leaving their opponents dreams ripped at the seams. But the Night squad are still in high school, so they have a future full of tune-filled adventures in front of them.
THE JUST LIKE THE MOVIES BOWL
“Disco Inferno,” The Trammps, 1978
vs. “Superman,” Herbie Mann, 1979
A pair of hits with some cinematic inspiration. Philadelphia funkers The Trammps got to #11 with a sing comparing dance floor action to a raging fire, not unlike what might happen in the 1970s disaster films produced by Irwin Allen. And jazz flautist Mann reached #26 with a tribute to Clark Kent’s alter ego, who was at the forefront of pop culture thanks to the hit movie starring Christopher Reeve.
Final Score: Inferno 31, Superman 7. Most expected an easy victory for the Man of Steel. But shockingly, it turned out that the boogie was his Kryptonite. Supe was too busy getting down to pay attention to the game, and the Trammps were able to fire up enough offense to win easily.
One more first round bracket to go. But back to Britain first. See you then.
THE HELL OF A BAND BOWL
“Rock and Roll Heaven,” The Righteous Brothers, 1974
vs. “The King is Gone,” Ronnie McDowell, 1977
Two hits that pay tribute to deceased rock stars. Unrelated twosome Bobby Hatfield and Bill Medley returned to the charts after eight years with a #3 ode to a handful of deceased rockers, from Hendrix and Joplin to Croce and Darin. Tennessean McDowell, on the other hand, narrowed his focus on his #13 tribute to the then-recently deceased Elvis Presley.
Final Score: King 42, Heaven 27. It was a case of one transcendent star finding a way to overcome a team of greats. The Righteous team treated imagined their subjects as angels, but McDowell’s effort was so reverential and hymnlike that it made Elvis seem like a god who visited Earth, ultimately making his opponents lose that winning feeling.
THE YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN...OR CAN YOU? BOWL
“Garden Party,” Rick Nelson, 1972
vs. “Let ‘em In,” Wings, 1976
Two songs featuring reference to famous musicians, including a Beatle. Former teen heartthrob Nelson got to #6 with a song about and unpleasant experience at a rock nostalgia show. The lyrics refer to Chuck Berry, Bob Dylan, and John Lennon (“Yoko brought her Walrus.”). Meanwhile, Sir Paul et al reached #3 with a song about welcoming people into his home, including not just relatives of his and Linda’s, but the Everly Brothers (“Phil and Don”) and Ringo Starr (“Uncle Ernie,”a reference to Ringo playing that character on a London Symphony recording of The Who’s Tommy.
Final Score: Garden 20, Let 3. A methodical win for Nelson’s team, who were aggressive while the Wings were pretty laid-back. It may have helped that Rick evened the odds by throwing in a sly reference to a second Beatle in the form of “Mr. Hughes,” which was a road pseudonym for George Harrison.
THE ON THE WAY UP BOWL
“Overnight Sensation (Hit Record),” The Raspberries, 1974
vs. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You,” Jerry Corbetta and Sugarloaf, 1975
Two songs about bands trying to hit the big time. Cleveland’s Raspberries reached #18 by applying their power pop to an examination of the hitmaking process, from writing the song to making the demo tape to schmoozing radio programmers. Meanwhile, Denver-based Corbetta and company got to #9 with a bluesy rocker about being given the runaround by record executives when trying to get signed, and then being able to turn the tables when you get a hit.
Final Score: Call 27, Sensation 17. It would be easy to joke that any team from Cleveland trying to play football was bound to lose, but like this year’s Browns, the Raspberries made a good account of themselves. But Sugarloaf, borrowing from the Ray Stevens playbook, played in the nude for one second-quarter drive, allowing for an easy score. Plus they blinded their opponents on a crucial late drive by coating the football in glitter. After the game, reporters tried to contact the referee to ask why such tactics were allowed, but they were directed to a voicemail that promised a prompt reply. That reply has yet to come.
THE ROCKSTAR GOALS BOWL
“The Cover of the Rolling Stone,” Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, 1973
vs. “We’re an American Band,” Grand Funk Railroad, 1973
More musical aspiration. First, a New Jersey band got to #6 with this Shel Silverstein-penned tune iabout a group that has everything they ever dreamed of...except a cover story on a certain popular rock periodical. Later that same year, a Michigan trio topped the charts with a hard rocking statement of their intent to drink, fornicate, and “party down” their way across their homeland while on tour.
Final Score: Cover 49, Band 45. An action-packed affair. Both sides could score seemingly at will, but in the end, the Grand Funkers got derailed late by the realization that there was no satisfactory destination awaiting at the end of their journey of debauchery. In contrast, Dr. Hook and his troupe had a goal to focus on, and, perhaps with the help of their “genuine Indian guru,” they stayed on the path and achieved their dreams of both advancing to the next round and getting their image rendered on the front of their magazine of choice.
THE HOW THE SAUSAGE GETS MADE BOWL
“This Song,” George Harrison, 1976
vs, “The Load-Out/Stay” Jackson Browne, 1978
Two songs about the inside of the music business. The quiet Beatle made it to #25 with a satirical reaction to his losing a copyright-infringement lawsuit about “My Sweet Lord”’s similarities to the Chiffons hit “He’s So Fine,” Meanwhile, California singer-songwriter Browne hit #20 with a description of what it’s like between an artists tour stops, from the roadies loading up the equipment onto the trucks to the band’s selection of audiovisual entertainment on the tour bus.
Final Score: Load 19, Song 9. Harrison’s side played very cautiously, not wanting to break rules and suffer costly penalties. This allowed the hard-working Browne team to grind out the win. They get to stay just a little bit longer, The tournament promoter don’t mind.
THE SONGWRITER SAFKA BOWL
“Look What They Done to My Song, Ma,” The New Seekers, 1970
vs. “The Nickel Song,” Melanie, 1972
Two songs that Melanie Safka wrote about...writing songs. First, the British light entertainment outfit made it to #14 with a ditty about not liking someone else’s version of your composition. Then, the author herself reached #35 with a number about record companies demanding her service for little compensation.
Final Score: Game cancelled. “Look What They Done...” advances via disqualification. Officials removed “The Nickel Song” because of its multiple mentions of gambling. The Old Man runs a clean tournament here, and he will not allow even the slightest hint of impropriety to sully this hallowed event. Ms. Safka’s punishment is a fine of $500, or she can write 10,000 songs and sign over their publishing rights.
THE RADIO RADIO BOWL
“WOLD,” Harry Chapin, 1974
vs. “FM (No Static at All,)” Steely Dan, 1978
Two songs about radio that got on the radio. Brooklyn folkie Chapin reached #36 with a tune sung from the point of view of an aging journeyman disc jockey telling his ex-wife about his current gig in Boise, Idaho. Then, pop’s leading jazz-rock iconoclasts made it to #22 with a tribute to/takedown of frequency modulated rock stations.
Final Score: Chapin 12, Dan 10. Experience in the running game gave the Chapin team the edge over the too slick Dan crew. The WOLD boys leave for another game in another town, something they’re used to. But the loss caused no static in the FM camp, because the girls don’t seem to care.
THE MUSIC ABOUT MUSIC BOWL
“Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion, 1974
vs. “Pop Musik,” M, 1979
Two hits that celebrate pop in different ways. Studio group Reunion got to #8 with a bubblegummy laundry list of people, groups, titles, lyrics, and other references to pop, rock, and other well-known music. Later, Brit Robin Scott had a #1 with a synthpop tribute to the endurance and universality of the hit song.
Final Score: Rock 66, Pop 3. Reunion rolled. They were just too fast, too relentless, too varied. Whether the game had been played in New York, London, Paris, or Munich, the result would have been the same.
THE LOOKING BACK BOWL
“American Pie,” Don McLean, 1972
vs. “Video Killed the Radio Star,” The Buggles, 1979
Two songs that celebrate nostalgia. New York troubadour McLean picked up a #1 with his long, cryptic rumination on pop using the recurring motif of “the day the music died.” On the other ed of the chart and the decade, England’s Buggles peaked at #40 in the last month of the 70s with a New Wave tribute to the pre-television days when “the wireless” ruled the world.
Final Score: Pie 59, Video 25. The McLean gang killed the Buggles softly, yet decisively. It was close at halftime, but when the Video team tried to come out for the second half, they were delayed by a marching band that insisted on finishing their song, and they weren’t the same team after that. After the game, the Buggles reportedly blamed the loss on someone, or something, with the initials “VCR.”
THE META AND METAPHOR BOWL
“Eighteen with a Bullet,” Pete Wingfield, 1975
vs. “Whispering/Cherchez la Femme/Se Si Bon,” Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, 1976
A song that uses record biz lingo takes on a number that references a future music mogul. Englishman Wingfield got to #15 with a song that tries to impress a lover by comparing himself to a rising hit single. Meanwhile, a New York jazz-funk outfit hit #27 with a song about looking for love featuring a character named, “Tommy Mottola,” who was their then-manager and later run Sony Music and, for a time, be married to Mariah Carey.
Final Score: Bullet 18, Femme 9. Wingfield and company had the momentum, and they are now moving up the list. Dr. Buzzard’s team just couldn’t cherchez enough points.
THE HABIT BOWL
“No No Song,” Ringo Starr, 1975
vs. “Junk Food Junkie,” Larry Groce, 1976
Two songs about illicit temptations. The ex-Beatle drummer went to #3 with a song about a recovering addict who turns down offers of drugs and alcohol. A year later, Dallas-born musician Groce made it to #9 with a novelty hit about a secret, shameful jones for soda , sweets, and fast food.
Final Score: Junkie 21, No 20. You would expect that clean living would have triumphed over high-calorie indulgence, but it turned out that the Junkies’ size eked out a win after Ringo’s team missed a key extra point. It was the one thing they couldn’t kick. But at least they were able to find the door out of the stadium.
THE CRAZIEST PARTIES THAT COULD EVER BE BOWL
“Mama Told Me Not to Come,” Three Dog Night, 1970
vs. “Hotel California,” Eagles, 1977
Two Number Ones about strange gatherings. First, 3DN turned the trick with a Randy Newman composition about a small-town boy freaked out by a wild L.A. soirée. Seven years later, SoCal’s country-rock chroniclers hit the top with a metaphor-laden epic comparing Los Angeles to a mysterious, foreboding inn.
Final Score: Hotel 42, Mama 19. The Three Dog knights were having a good time for themselves early on, but as the game wore on, they were clearly rattled by the smell of colitas and the sight of their opponents attempting to stab an animal on the sidelines. Many of the Eagles’ opponents were forced to leave the game with symptoms of something called “the “Mercedes bends.” And even though the game has been over for a while, I’m told the Mama team has still been unable to find their way out of the stadium.
THE SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD PEOPLE BOWL
“Immigrant Song,” Led Zeppelin, 1971
vs. “The Immigrant,” Neil Sedaka, 1975
Two songs about strangers in strange lands. First, Led Zep got to #16 with a driving rocker about Viking invaders coming to conquer new territory. Then, Brill Building vet Sedaka reaches #22 with a song about hopeful people coming to America who are sometimes disappointed; it was inspired by U.S. government efforts to deport John Lennon for his activism.
Final Score: Zeppelin 55, Sedaka 0. Neil’s team could only manage a weak defense, which got them overpowered by the Vikingesque rampage of Zep. It didn’t help that the game was played in inclement weather, which played right in to the hands of the team from the land of ice and snow. Sedaka’s newcomers were sent back to where they came from.
THE WATER BOWL
“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey,” Paul and Linda McCartney, 1971
vs. “Calypso,” John Denver, 1975
Two songs about boats and sailors. The McCartneys topped the charts with a three-part number that including a cheeky semi-tribute to real life American naval officer William “Bull” Halsey. Four years later, folkie Denver had his own #1 with a tribute to the research vessel used by world-renowned oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.
Final Score: Albert 33, Calypso 10. The McCartneys varied offence prevailed over the Denver strategy of simply diving straight ahead and seeing what happens. But the Calypso squad has apparently produced a fascinating documentary on their loss, complete with smart-sounding, French-accented narration.
THE BIG PRODUCTION NUMBER BOWL
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen, 1975
vs. “Summer Nights,” John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, 1978
Two songs that sound like they’re being performed by a cast of dozens. England’s most theatrical hard rockers made it to #9 with an operatic tale of crime, punishment and rebellion. Meanwhile, ex-Sweathog Travolta and pop princess Newton-John hit #5, with the help of their Grease castmates, with a tale of the summertime romance between their characters, Danny and Sandy.
Final Score: Rhapsody 40, Nights 13. The Bohemians dominated, with an attack that some compared to thunderbolts and lightning, leaving their opponents dreams ripped at the seams. But the Night squad are still in high school, so they have a future full of tune-filled adventures in front of them.
THE JUST LIKE THE MOVIES BOWL
“Disco Inferno,” The Trammps, 1978
vs. “Superman,” Herbie Mann, 1979
A pair of hits with some cinematic inspiration. Philadelphia funkers The Trammps got to #11 with a sing comparing dance floor action to a raging fire, not unlike what might happen in the 1970s disaster films produced by Irwin Allen. And jazz flautist Mann reached #26 with a tribute to Clark Kent’s alter ego, who was at the forefront of pop culture thanks to the hit movie starring Christopher Reeve.
Final Score: Inferno 31, Superman 7. Most expected an easy victory for the Man of Steel. But shockingly, it turned out that the boogie was his Kryptonite. Supe was too busy getting down to pay attention to the game, and the Trammps were able to fire up enough offense to win easily.
One more first round bracket to go. But back to Britain first. See you then.
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