GATW: UKT40 February 19, 1983

The business end.

20 - "The Story of the Blues," Wah!

Wah! was essentially Liverpudlian Pete Wylie, a New Wave scene fixture whose biggest hit was this bit o' synthpop about feeling bad.  Not nearly as interesting as the credited name.

19 - "Twisting by the Pool," Dire Straits 

Mark Knopfler's crew had their fifth home Top 40 with this aytipically exuberant rock song about getting away from it all at some warm holiday destination.  Just happiness and fun from an unlikely source.

18 - "The Cutter," Echo and the Bunnymen 

Their first of three Top Tens was this gothy number about...um, not wanting to be cut, I think.  Doesn't matter, it's these guys doing what they do best.

17 - "You Can't Hurry Love," Phil Collins 

His first of three Number Ones here was this Supremes cover.  Again, it's surprisingly good.

16 - "Never Gonna Give You Up," Musical Youth 

This Birmingham reggae boy band is known only for first hit "Pass the Dutchie," in the U.S., but back home they had five more Top 40s, including this loping pledge of teenage romantic devotion.  Definitely better than that Rick Astley song.  It rolls right over it.

15 - "Love on Your Side,"  Thompson Twins 

The second Top Ten for the unrelated trio was this burbly popper about trying to start a relationship with someone who isn't cooperating.  Or something like that.  My lyric interpretation software may need an upgrade.  Good song, regardless.

14 - "The Tunnel of Love," Fun Boy Three 

The first of two Bananarama-free Top Tens for these ex-Specials was this cool slice of tango-pop about how young romance is doomed to end in heartbreak and divorce.  Bleak worldview aside, this is fantastic stuff.

13 - "Last Night a DJ Saved My Life," Indeep

The only hit for this New York funk outfit was this dance classic about how a woman was spared from dwelling on her cheating man by a disc jockey playing just the right song.  I wish there wasn't a problem I couldn't fix because of my ability to do so in the mix.  Life would be so much easier.

12 - "Christian," China Crisis 

From the Liverpool suburb of Kirkby, this band scored their first of five Too 40s with this enigmatic synth ballad about losing oneself in honesty.  At least that's what the  most repeated lyric says.  Don't know what it has to do with Christians, or China for that matter.

11 - "Gloria," Laura Branigan

The late New York belter only charted twice in Britain, but she went Top Ten both times.  The first was this dance-rock soap opera masterpiece.  Just perfect.

When I hear that Top Ten bling, it can only mean one thing.

10 - "Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant

I would have thought his homeland would have let him "take it higher" than he did in America, but no, it stopped at #2 here too.  Oh well, Canada did right by Eddy.  You're welcome.

9 - "Oh Diane," Fleetwood Mac

Surprisingly, the slick later version of this band that conquered America wasn't that much more successful in Britain than the original, more blues-oriented version.  This was only the second U.K. Top Ten of the Buckingham/Nicks eradicated, and it didn't even chart in America.  Which is a shame, because it's a nice little Buckingham-sung love song that's a throwback to late-50s/early-60s sock hop slowdanceballads.  A forgotten gem.

8 - " Wham Rap (Enjoy What You Do)," Wham!

Before the London heartthrob duo broke through in the U.S. in '84, they scored five Brit hits, the second being this hip-hop homage about the fun and splendor of unemployment.   Surprisingly, George Michael does a more than adequate job of aping the early rap style of artists like The Sugarhill Gang and Kurtis Blow, and he one-ups a lot of future rappers by singing the hook as well.  I can honestly say I enjoyed what they did here.  And in a field lacking in real strangeness, this gets an Uneasy Rider.

7 - "Up Where We Belong," Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

Only got this high here, but the iconic An Officer and a Gentleman ballad was a U.S. #1 and won an Oscar.  Movie producer Don Simpson wanted it cut from the movie, insisting it was awful and would never be a hit, and he remained unmoved by it's success.  I can't say I love it either, but I recognize the commercial sweet spots it hits.

6 - "Africa," Toto 

They blessed a continent's rains.  I don't know if that had any effect, but hey, if a flapping butterfly can...

5 - "Billie Jean," Michael Jackson 

The only better strutting song in the world than "Staying Alive."

4 - "Change," Tears for Fears 

Another duo with hits here at home before breaking America.  The second Top Five for these Bath boys was this smooth new waver about relationship evolution.  It might be my favorite of theirs.

3 - "Sign of the Times," The Belle Stars

The third and biggest of four Top 40s for these eight women from London was this bouncy pop song about a relationship that can't last due to incompatibility.  Head-bobbingly fun.  But their best hit was their first, an amazing cover of the Mardi Gras song "Iko Iko" that would later become their only American hit after its use in the movie Rain Man.

2 - "Down Under," Men at Work 

I don't care how many times I hear this song, I'm still never trying Vegemite.

And your U.K. charttopper of 34 years ago was...

1 - "Too Shy," Kajagoogoo 
The nonsensically-named ones actually had four more hits after this here.  But does the rest of the world care?  Uh...that's a kajanono.  This is quite enough, thanks.

Tune in next time to see what month and year I'll land in next.  

GATW: UKT40 February 19, 1983

February 1983.  This month, a by-election in the London district of Bermondsey marked the first candidacy of a representative of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.  They didn’t win, of course.  No one would be silly enough to vote a monster raving loony into power.  If they did, that would be Sad!  Anyway, these were the song's of the British moment.

40 - "She Means Nothing to Me," Phil Everly and Cliff Richard 
The younger of the legendary Iowa brother act scored a U.K. Top Ten teaming up with Sir Cliff on this country-rocker about self- defeating romantic denial.   The voices blend well, but it was still for the best that Phil and Don soon reunited.

39 - "He Knows You Know," Marillion 
The first of two dozen Top 40s for this Buckinghamshire prog outfit was this rocker about drug abuse, described using the almost humorously abstract language of Scottish singer/lyricist Derek "Fish" Dick.  I mean, why say "vomiting" when you can call it "Singing psychedelic praises to the depths of a China bowl?"  It's kind of catchy, but maybe too self-indulgent by half.  Although that describes prog rock in general, doesn't it?  And is anyone surprised that the name is  Tolkien reference?

38 - "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)," Eurythmics 
Just the fucking best.  How did it only hit #2 here?  America knew better.

37 - "Genetic Engineering," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark 
Their sixth hit was this dark new waver about fooling with dna and stuff.  Apparently, they weren't really against it, but more resigned to its inevitability.  A cool little bit of sci-fi po

36 - "Going Underground," The Jam
Three years ago, this became their first Number One, and here it had another chart run in the wake of their breakup.  It's a fantastic rock rejection of societal norms that will have a place on my playlist any time.

35 - "Baby Come to Me," Patti Austin and James Ingram 
Bland U.S. #1 that missed the Top Ten here.  Doesn't make up for the Eurythmics injustice though.

34 - "Hey Little Girl," Icehouse 
The biggest U.K hit by the Australian band originally known as Flowers was this synth rocker about either sympathizing with or stalking a lonely woman.  I'm not sure which.  Good song, but "Crazy" is so much better.

33 - "Communication," Spandau Ballet 
Their eighth hit was this jazzy strut about a breakdown in contact.  These guys are so much more than "True."  And the world should know this much.

32 - "The Harder They Come," Rockers Revenge 
A dance-funk cover of Jimmy Cliff's 1972 reggae classic about street life in Jamaica, produced by emerging American studio whiz Arthur Baker and sung capably by Donnie Calvin.  Won't make you forget the original, but still worth a spin.

31 - "Hold Me Tighter in the Rain," Billy Griffin
Maryland native Griffin replaced Smokey Robinson in The Miracles in 1972, and sang on their smash "Love Machine."  He would find his biggest solo success with this midtempo love song.  Above average soul from the period.

30 - "Steppin' Out," Joe Jackson 
The Staffordshireman's biggest transatlantic hit.  Still slick, cool, and sensational.

29 - "The Chinese Way," Level 42
The second hit for the men from the Isle of Wight was this mild synth tune that fetishists "Oriental" wisdom.  Nothing special.  It does remind me that in my lifetime, Beijing was known in the west as "Peking."

28 - "Cold Sweat," Thin Lizzy 
The first single from the band's final studio album was this hard rock grinder aboutique the thrill of gambling.  Some fine guitar shredding, and a solid 4 out of 5 on the headbangometer.  Another fun discovery.

27 - "Jailhouse Rock," Elvis Presley 
The peak of a brief '83 chart run for the classic tale of a prison party so good that it sparked up a shocking romance between inmates #47 and #3, quashed a jailbreak, and gave us all the immortal advice "If you can't find a partner, use a wooden chair."  Maybe the pinnacle of the man's rock brilliance.

26 - "1999," Prince 
The apocalyptic jam of all apocalyptic jams was Mr. Nelson's first Brit hit.  I wonder if he was actually dreaming when he wrote this.

25 - "Nature Boy," Central Line
The only hit for this London funk band was this covereturn of a 1948 Nat King Cole classic about a "strange, enchanted boy," who wanders the world imparting such pearls of wisdom as "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."  Cole's version is transcendent.  This is just crap disco. Hear Nat, don't cross this Line.

24 - "Tomorrow's (Just Another Day)/Madness (Is All in the Mind)," Madness 
The ska stars' 12th Top Ten was this double-sided, double-bracketed single.  The A is a loping track about trying to remain hopeful.  The B is a bluesy strut about being happy with oneself despite what anyone says,  Flip sides in more ways than one.  I like the B better

23 - "Shiny Shiny," Haysi Fantayzee
The second and last hit for this New Wave trio was this bouncy, nonsensical ode to positivity.  A fun lost gem.  If you want to hear more songs in the vein of "Come on Eileen," look here.

22 - "Get the Balance Right," Depeche Mode 
Their fifth hit was this moody synth number about finding the proper balance in life between living for others and taking care of yourself.  We all have that, don't we?

21 - "New Year's Day," U2
Bono and Co.'s first U.K. Top Ten was this love song-turned-ode to Poland's Solidarity labor movement.  This is as good an encapsulation as any of the sound that made them famous, and it just might be their best song.

In Part Two: dancing near water, amorous rides, and a heroic record spinner.

GATW: UKT40 January 12, 1974

The end, at long last.

20 - "When I Fall in Love," Donny Osmond
Heavily produced cover of the 1952 song popularized by Doris Day.  Donny's voice was starting to change, but I guess it was still working for Britain's Osmond-crazed teens.  I am not, and have never been, one of those.

19 - "Vado Via," Drupi 
This Italian, born Giampiero Anelli, sung this song in the 1973 Sanremo Music Festival (an inspiration for Eurovision, and now the Italian qualifying competition for that contest).  The song finished last, but had success internationally, including reaching the Top 20 here.  It's a pop ballad about leaving a lover (the title means "I Go Away").  His voice has a nice rasp, and the performance is passionate, but there isn't much more that overcomes the language barrier.

18 - "Truck On (Tyke)," T. Rex 
The song that broke Bolan and Co.'s streak of ten consecutive Top Fives was this bit o' glam with lyrics about space cowboys and riding dinosaurs.  The usual, but a lesser version of it.  I get why it fell short.

17 - "Why Oh Why Oh Why," Gilbert O'Sullivan 
This guy's last Top Ten was this return to feeling bad, this time about a relationship that is quickly souring.  He does the best he can, but I remain annoyed.  Perhaps that's why, Gil.

16 - "Gaudete," Steeleye Span 
The first of two hits for this London folk band was an a capella version of a Latin Christmas Carol dating back to the 16th century. The title means "Rejoice."  I like the female solo parts better than the overly British-accented choral parts.  But it all combines to form a clear Uneasy Rider.

15 - "Street Life," Roxy Music 
The band's third Top Ten was this sleek rocker about the beautiful and hopeless.  The people Bryan Ferry was born to sing about.  So good.

14 - "Paper Roses," Marie Osmond
In the midst of Osmond mania, the little sister scored her only hit with her Anita Bryant cover.  It...exists.

13 - "Roll Away the Stone," Mott the Hoople 
Mott's third and final Top Ten was this solid glammer inviting a lady to stop being lonely and come to a "rockabilly party.  I'd go if they were asking me.  Sounds like fun.

12 - "Forever," Roy Wood
Birmingham's Wood was a founding member of The Move, but when that band morphed into ELO, he started a new band, Wizzard, and also recorded on his own.  The biggest of his four solo hits was this retro-rocker about the trials of teen romance.  Very nice.  And we'll hear more from him later.

11 - "Love on a Mountaintop," Robert Knight
Tennessee soul man Knight had the original hit recording of "Everlasting Love" in 1967.  A year later, he released this tune about a Romeo and Juliet-style couple who join their own version of the Mike High Club, and six years later it found U.K. popularity thanks to the Northern Soul scene.  A very worthy reclamation project.


I have just signed an executive order to restore witty introductions to the Top Ten.  It's going to be yuuuge.  We're making Glovehead great again.

10 - "Lamplight," David Essex 
His first post-"Rock On" hit was this strutting number about wanting to spend the night.   It' s got a Dr. John vibe to it.  This makes me get how he had a big career at home.

9 - "Radar Love," Golden Earring 
Evidence of secret Dutch technology, or just a classic rock standard?  You decide.

8 - "Pool Hall Richard," Faces
This amalgamation of the Small Faces and the Jeff Beck Group (the latter represented by Rod Stewart and future Stone Ron Wood) had their last U.K. Top Ten with this blues rocker about a pool shark/ladies' man that even Rod the Mod is jealous of.  This is the kind of stuff that truly made Mr, Stewart a legend.

7 - "I Love You Love Me Love," Gary Glitter 
The second and last #1 by this creep.  No love.

6 - "Dance With the Devil," Cozy Powell 
Speaking of the Jeff Beck Group, this Gloucester man was their drummer before finding his biggest solo success with this percussive instrumental.  Great on its own, plus bonus points for inspiring the intro of Boney M.'s legendary "Rasputin."

5 - "My Coo-Ca-Choo," Alvin Stardust 
As I mentioned when we encountered Stardust in '81, this was done as a one-off by singer Peter Shelled, but when it hit here hired someone else to inhabit the persona. The song is nonsensical, lovey-dovey glam rock, catchy but inessential.

4 - "I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day," Wizzard 
The fourth hit by Roy Wood's band is this Spectorish holiday tune about snow and Santa and such.  Pretty good, and still a favorite in Britain, but it isn't even the best glam rock Christmas song of 1973, as we shall see.

3 - "The Show Must Go On,"Leo Sayer
Sayer's breakthrough hit was this circus-themed cry of frustration.  Later in the year, it would become Three Dog Night's last American Top Ten.  Leo did it better.

2 - "You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me," The New Seekers 
The second and last of this group's Number Ones (the first was the repuposed Coke jingle "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing") was this light pop song about always taking a lover back no matter what.  What they should be seeking is therapy for their self-esteem issues.

And on top way back when was...

1 - "Merry Xmas Everybody," Slade 
The Brit institution had their sixth and last #1 with what I unequivocally declare to be the greatest Christmas rock song ever.  It features a cheeky reference to Santa's weakness for adult beverages  ("Do the fairies keep him sober for the day?"), old people acting young, a cheesy but somehow cool pun on the band's name, and a burst of Yuletide optimism in the chorus  ("Look to the future now, it's only just begun.")  It doesn't skimp on the rock for the sake of sentiment, but rather finds the perfect balance.  Nothing short of classic.

And another one's gone.  But there will be more.  Join me then.

GATW: UKT40 January 12,1974 Part One

And now to the beginning of 1974.  The government of Prime Minister Edward Heath had just instituted a three-day work week to conserve electricity in the face of job action by the National Union of Mineworkers.  This lasted until March 8, after the Labour Party's Harold Wilson gained power.  When people did have the power to listen to music, this is what they were playing.

40 - "Walk Right Back," Perry Como
Mr. Relaxation's penultimate British Top 40 was this cover of a song that The Everly Brothers took to #1 here in 1961.  He blands it up and makes you want to encourage his lover to keep on walking away.

39 - "Photograph," Ringo Starr

This pop-rocker about  dwelling on lost love was co-written with George Harrison.  #1 in the States, but only #8 here.   Britain got it right.

38 - "All of My Life," Diana Ross

Miss Ross with a big cheesy wedding ballad.  She recites some of the lyrics in the middle.  Just reflective of her formula at the time.

37 - "Mind Games," John Lennon 

And classic call to strive for peace through the power of thought.  I don't think it would hurt to start putting some soul power to the Karmic wheel right about now, do you?

36 - "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," Elton John 

Maybe the best of his best.  Once again, it was up to Canada to make it the #1 it deserved to be.   Do we have to do everything for you guys?

35 - "Eye Level," Simon Park Orchestra 

This brass-heavy instrumental was originally composed for Dutch libraries, but was then recorded by British Park and Co. for the Amsterdam-set cop show Van der Valk.  Sounds more like a parade march than a scene-setter for drug busts and murders, but Britain made it a #1.  Maybe I'd get it if I'd seen the show.

34 - "Take Me High," Cliff Richard 

Sir Cliff again, this time with an uptempo pop song about longing to find solace in a lover's arms.  Sounds like the Partridge Family, but in a good way.

33 - "Keep on Truckin'," Eddie Kendricks

His only American solo #1 was his biggest hit here too, but it only hit #18.  Much too good for that.  A funk tour de force that I'may finally giving it's due.  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

32 - "Amoreuse," Kiki Dee

The first and biggest of the Eltonless hits by Bradford's Pauline Matthews was this post-coital ballad adapted from a French hit by Veronique Sanson.  Well-sung and affecting, but I can't help imagining Adele getting hold of this and just, as the kids say, slaying.

31 - "Dyna-Mite," Mud
This composition by prolific songwriters Mike Chapman and Nicky Chinn was turned down by Sweet, but then ended up the first of eleven Top Tens for another glam band.  It's your basic peppy pop-rock about a woman walks into a room and turns it into a party, but it's hooky and fun enough to stand out.

30 - "Sorrow," David Bowie

Bowie was arguably at the peak of his U.K. stardom when hereleased the LP Pin-Ups, a collection of covers of songs he liked by British artists between 1964.  This one was a 1966 hit by The Merseys, a song about being under the spell of a blue-eyed blonde.  Simple, but unmistakably Bowie.

29 - "For the Good Times," Perry Como 

Perry again, this time with his last British Top Ten, a covery of a Kris Kristofferson song made famous by Ray Price.  Better than "Walk Right Back," but still not much.

28 - "Daydreamer/Puppy Song," David Cassidy 

Although his time in The Partridge Family was wrapping up, Cassidy's star had never been brighter, particularly in Britbain.  His second day and last #1 there was double-sided. The A was a loping ballad of lost love, the B a jaunty cover of a Harry Nilsson song about longing for friendship.  The latter is definitely the one to seek out if you're not a hormonal teenage girl who somehow time traveled from 1974 London.

27 - "Vaya con Dios," Millican and Nesbitt 

Alan Millican and Tom Nesbitt, two miners from Northumberland, won the TV talent show Opportunity Knocks in 1973, and they went on to score two Top 40 hits, the first and biggest being this cover of a Spanish-flavored farewell song popularized by Les Paul and Mary Ford in 1953.  You forget it the second it's over.

26 - "Step Into Christmas," Elton John 

Sir Elton's one venture into holiday music was this trifling invitation to "hop aboard the turntable" with him.  That seems pointless and impractical.  It only reached #24 in the charts, but it's become a perennial.  Well, it's at the very least better than "Wonderful Christmas Time."

25 - "Helen Wheels," Paul McCartney and Wings 

Speaking of Macca, here he is with his song about his Land Rover.  A middling rock n'roll car song.  The man certainly coasted sometimes.

24 - "Do You Wanna Dance," Barry Blue

Ironically, this London glam rocker was born Barry Green.  The second of his five Top 40s was this okay example of the genre.  It also must be noted that it's not a cover of the oft-remade 1958 Bobby Freeman hit.  That actually might have been better.

23 - "Top of the World," Carpenters

Karen and Richard weren't quite the hit machine here that they were at home, but they had some success, and this bit of country joy was the second of their three Top Fives.  Happy beauty.

22 - "Solitaire," Andy Williams 

The veteran crooner's last Top Five was this version of a Neil Sedaka loneliness ballad.  The Carpentersecond took this to the U.S. Top Twenty a year later, and while Karen's unbeatable, ol' Andy does pretty well by this.

21 - "Let Me In," The Osmonds

Williams' former proteges were at the height of their U.K. popularity when they hit #2 with this square ballad from their Mormom-themed album The Plan.  It's only intriguing because it's a love song, but you aren't sure who it's for.

In Part Two:  more glam, more Christmas, and more Osmonds.

GATW: UKT40 January 3, 1981 Part Two

This is a day for endings.

20 - "The Tide is High," Blondie
Debbie and Co. go reggae, hit #1 on both sides of the Atlantic.   Well, she said right in the song "I'm gonna be your Number One," so...

19 - "Over the Rainbow," Matchbox
The fifth and last hit for these Middlesex retro rockers was this doo-wop cover of the signature song from The Wizard of Oz.  They throw in a bit of the pop standard "You Belong to Me" in the middle, but that's the only halfway interesting thing about this.

18 - "Love on the Rocks," Neil Diamond
Maybe the best thing to come out of that whole "Let's remake an Al Jolson movie with Neil Diamond and cast Lucien Arnaz as his love interest" experiment.  Cocaine is a helluva drug...

17 - "Never Mind the Presents," The Barron Knights
Our second encounter with these guys comes with their last hit, a Christmas-themed parody medley.  The first part spoofs "Another Brick in the Wall Part II,"  The other two I don't recognize and don't care  to look up.  Bland, inoffensive comedy.

16 - "To Cut a Long Story Short," Spandau Ballet
The first hit for these New Romantic stalwarts was this synthpop bouncer about paranoia and insanity.  It is kind of a shame that these guys are only known around my way for "True."

15 - "Flash," Queen
One of the band's campier hits was this theme to the film version of the space-set comic strip Flash Gordon.  Could there be a better fit to score a tongue-in-cheek sci-fi epic?  Absolutely not.  Ah-aaaaah!

14 - "Lady," Kenny Rogers
The Lionel Richie-penned ballad was K-Rog's first American #1, but didn't even reach the Top Ten here.  But he had already topped the British list twice, with "Lucille" and "She Believes in Me."  I like both better than this.  Brittania rules again.

13 - "Rabbit," Chas and Dave
Charles Hodges and David Peacock made their name with their distinctive "rockney" sound, which combined rock with Cockney accents and rhyming slang.  Their first Top Ten was this piano driven romp about an otherwise attractive lady who speaks too much ("rabbit" being short for "rabbit and pork," which is Cockney for "talk").  Fun song, and the whole Cockney slang thing fascinates me.

12 - "Lies," Status Quo
The Brit institution had another hit with this straight ahead rocker about not trusting gossip about you lover. I think that's it.  Good stuff.  Sadly, the band's guitarist Dave Parfitt died on Christmas Eve.  2016 has been absolutely brutal.

11 - "Banana Republic," The Boomtown Rats
The Irish band's fourth and last Top Five was this reggaefied portrait of their homeland as a "septic isle" full of repression and corruption.  They were so outspoken about the country's issues that they had been banned from performing there.  Bob Geldof was never shy about making bold statementstatement, as the world would soon learn.

10 - "Runaway Boys," The Stray Cats
This Long Island trio moved to England in 1979 and became the targets of a major label bidding war.  They scored their first hit with this rockabilly groove that's like the pop-single equivalent of a 1950s juvenile delinquent novel.  It would be two more years before the group broke through at home, but this song was never released as a single there.  Too bad.  I think it's better than their other hits.

9 - "Imagine," John Lennon
The iconic 1971 anthem wasn't released as a single in Britain until 1975, when it reached #6.  It returned to the charts after Lennon's December 8 murder, and would become his second U.K. #1 in January.   A poignant song gained even more meaning that day, for better or worse.

8 - "Embarrassment," Madness
The fifth hit for the Camden Town skasters was this song written by saxophonist Lee Thompson about his family's negative reaction to his teenage sister becoming pregnant by a black man.  A powerful depiction of shame and fear.  Happily, in real life, the family came around.

7 - "Antmusic," Adam and the Ants
The band's second hit was this jaunty invitation for music listeners to "unplug the jukebox," turn away from disco, and "try another flavor," namely their own brand of new wave.  Fun, bopping stuff.

6 - "De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da," The Police
One of their sharper songs has a nonsensical title.  As a wise man once said, the ironing is delicious.

5 - "Super Trouper," ABBA
The Swedes' ninth and final U.K. Number One was this deceptively bouncy pop song about the loneliness of a touring musician  (the song's title is a type of spotlight used in large concert venues).  I had that album as a kid, and while it's still well behind the majesty of "The Winner Takes it All," it's grown on me over the years.  "Su pah-PAH, Trou pah-PAH."

4 - "Happy Xmas (War is Over)," John Lennon and Yoko Ono
As Lennon's death happened in December, it was natural that another of his old songs that attracted devastated fans was his and Yoko's 1971 Christmas plea for peace and unity.  It's an attractive concept, that war can be eradicated "if you want it," but I guess people think it too good to be true.  And maybe it is.  But what if...?

3 - "Stop the Cavalry," Jona Lewie
Southampton's Lewie began as a blues musician in the late 60s, but found his biggest success with this deceptively peppy synthpop antiwar song.  The line about wishing to be home for Christmas helped its popularity for sure, but it's interesting enough that it would have likely made an impact anyway.

2 - "(Just Like) Starting Over," John Lennon
Of course, one of the many tragedies of John's death was that he had just released his first new music in five years, this rockabillyish number about wanting to restore intimacy to a relationship.  As of December 8, it had peaked at #8 in Britain and was on the way down, but after that, it reversed course and became his first U.K. charttopper.  It deserved to do so without that tragic circumstance.  It's a simple yet masterful love song.

And the winner of this particular holiday race was...

1 - "There's No One Quite Like Grandma," St. Winifred's School Choir
The children's chorus from this Stockport Catholic primary school had impacted the charts two years earlier when they backed up Brian and Michael's #1 "Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs."  This year, record producer Gordon Lorenz had the choir perform his maudlin ode to grandmothers as a tribute to the Queen Mother on her 80th birthday.  It's insanely sappy, and the lead child sounds almost Chipmunk-esque, buy apparently that's what Britain longed for at the time.  Myself, I'm just going to give it the Uneasy Rider and then never listen to it again.

Well there we go.  Hope you all had a merry Christmas, all the best for 2017, and I will be back with more of this kind of thing very soon.

GATW: UKT40 January 3, 1981

It's been a while, but I'm back, and I'm taking my first look at a Christmas chart.  Having the U.K. #1 single at Christmas carries a certain amount of prestige in Britain, and so I thought I'd take a look at one of those contests.  So here we gogo to Yuletide 1980.  British music was reeling from the murder of John Lennon earlier in the month, and his presence was certainly felt on the charts.  Plus there was ska.  Plenty of ska.

40 - "Runaround Sue," Racey
The last major hit for this Somerset group was a straight cover of Dion's 1961 hit about a serially unfaithful young lady.  Certainly up there among the most pointless cover versions I've ever heard.

39 -"Never Knew Love Like This Before," Stephanie Mills
Her biggest hit on both sides of the Atlantic.  And, as I may have mentioned before, she once dated Michael Jackson.

38 - "The Earth Dies Screaming, UB40
Their third hit was this deceptively gentle reggae tune about some sort of apocalyptic event that leaves in its wake desolation, abandoned cars, and death.  Lots and lots of death.  And a merry Christmas to you gentlemen as well.  Aside from that, one of their better songs.

37 - "If I Could Only Make You Care," Mike Berry
This Northampton actor and singer had his greatest success in the 60s aping Buddy Holly.  He came back with a couple hits this year, including this limp country tune.  Suffice it to say, he doesn't get what he hopes from me.

36 - "Lorraine," Bad Manners
This London ska band, fronted by flamboyant singer Buster Bloodvessel, had nine Top 40s in the early 80s.  The fourth of these was this bouncy tale of Bloodvessel falling in love with a girl who ends up stealing all of his possessions, which causes him to say "When I find her, I'm gonna kill her."  Then he finds Lorraine, they exchange blows, talk things out, and then have sex, which eliminates all homicidal thoughts toward her from Buster's mind.  Silly, but catchy.

35 - "I'm Coming Out." Diana Ross
Miss Ross comes out of her shell.  Remember before when she was shy and retiring and faded into the background?  You don't?  Wonder why?

34 - "Blue Moon," Showaddywaddy
The Leicester group's last four chart hits failed to crack the Top 30, a trend that began with this cover of the Rogers and Hart standard that is used as a theme not by their hometown Foxes, but rather Manchester City.  Wonder if that was part of the problem. As for the version, my thoughts on Racey's entry here can be applied to this as well.

33 - "Looking for Clues," Robert Palmer
Palmer had already had two Top 40s in America when he scored his first one at home with this stuttery rocker about trying to understand a relationship.  Nice little xylophone solo.  This only got this high here, and didn't chart well in the U.S., but it did go Top Ten in Canada.  My homeland for the win, for once.

32 - "December Will be Magic Again," Kate Bush
The ethereal girl put her own twist on the holiday song, combining Bing Crosby and Oscar Wilde while just being all floaty and Bushy.  It's all her, and all wonderful.

31 - "Who's Gonna Rock You," The Nolans
Our second encounter with these Irish sisters is this tepid disco number about lamenting a dying relarionship while people around you are apartying.  Dressed- up blandness at its meh-est.

30 - "I Could be So Good for You," Dennis Waterman
London-born actor Waterman had built a steady career through the 60s and 70s, but it was around this time when he landed his most famous role as the bodyguard lead character in the TV series Minder.  The show's popularity was such that its Waterman-sung theme tune became a Top Five hit.  It's a nifty little piano boogie, and Waterman sounds a bit like Billy Joel on it. I enjoy it.

29 - "It's Hard to be Humble," Mac Davis
The biggest of Davis' two Brit hits was this live recording of an ode to egotism.  "I can't wait to look in the mirror," he sings, "'cause I get better looking each day."  A fun little singalong, and good for an ego boost.

28 - "This Wreckage," Gary Numan
Numan's fifth U.K. solo hit was this dark, icy midtempo tune about alternatively craving and fearing isolation.  That seems pretty quintessential for this guy.  There are definitely moods where I would feel the need to hear a song like this.

27 - Rock n' Roll Ain't Noise Pollution," AC/DC
The most successful U.K. single from the massive Back in Black LP was this good, loud rock song about good, loud rock music.  Brian Johnson's voice is more growly than screechy on a lot of this, which works perfectly.  An appropriate album-closer.

26 "Don't Walk Away," Electric Light Orchestra
The band's fourth Xanadu single (not released in the U.S.) was this ballad that accompanied an animated sequence in the film where Olivia Newton-John and Michael Beck's characters turn into fish and birds..  Again I say this is a weird-ass movie surely crafred with much chemical assistance.  And again I admit I saw this in a theater as a youngster crushing on ONJ.

25 - "Celebration," Kool and the Gang
Every time you buy one of Al Gore's books, he plays this song.  I have this on very good authority.

24 - "Do Nothing,"  The Specials
More ska, this time in the form of the sixth Top Ten by this Coventry band.  It's a loping track about feeling life is meaningless and searching for purpose in rhe wrong places.  A good song thT will certainly always be meaningful to someone.

23 - "Too Nice to Talk To," The Beat
Another ska hit, this one by the Birmingham band who had to add "English" to their name in America. This is a rollicking groove about romantic shyness.  It's among their best.  Not much more to say.

22 - "Lonely Together," Barry Manilow
The big BM (wait, that's not good) missed the 40 at home but made it here with this ballad about trying to hook up with a fellow reboundee.  Just him, doing what he does.

21 - "Do You Feel My Love," Eddy Grant
The second solo hit by the Guyana-born ex-Equal was this electro-reggae heartbreak number.  Pretty damn good.  It's too bad that for years all I was exposed to of him was "Electric Avenue" and "Romancing the Stone."

In Part Two:  sci-fi, insects, and of course, the song that became immortalized as a Christmas Number One.  Is it a classic?  A comedy novelty?  Or something else entirely?  We shall see.

GATW: UKT40 September 25, 1993

So at last, here's the rest.

20 - "The Key: The Secret," Urban Cookie Collective
The first and biggest of four Top 40s for this British dance group was this house track about having a key, and also a secret "to another way."  That pretty much sums up the lyric.  The backing track is pretty good, though.  A bit above average.

19 - "Here We Go," Stakka Bo
The only major international hit for Swede Bo Johan Renck was this pop/hip-hop number that rails against consumer culture.  Catchy, with an interesting if awkwardly-rapped message.  And one of the better post-disco uses of flute.  Renck has gone on to direct music videos and TV shows, including episodes of Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead.

18 - "Big Scary Animal," Belinda Carlisle
The ex-Go-Go was no longer having hits at home, but she was still charting regularly in Britain, scoring the fourteenth of her 19 Top 40s with this pop-rocker that compares romance to a ferocious beast.  She employs the rockier rasp in her voice more than she did on her American hits, and I like that.  I missed the edge.

17 - "Living on My Own," Freddie Mercury
This posthumous remix of a 1985 single became the legendary Queen frontman's only solo #1.  It's a dance-rocker about loneliness and longing for better days.  Not a strong song, but Freddie's outsized charisma sells it.

16 - "Faces," 2 Unlimited
The seventh of 14 U.K. hits for the Dutch dance group known for their sports arena-friendly tracks was this number featuring a rap about accepting each other and things of that nature.  The music is a little darker-sounding than their more familiar hits, but I think it makes for a better song that doesn't become an annoying earworm in the "Get Ready for This" or "No Limit" vein.

15 - "Dreamlover," Mariah Carey
This was her seventh #1 in the U.S., but only her third Top Ten here.  Meh, it's okay, as she goes.  She is what she is.

14 - "Rubberband Girl," Kate Bush
The ethereal chanteuse had another hit with this, er, bouncy pop song about a desire to be elastic.  The kind of strangeness you want from her, and in this field, that's good enough for an Uneasy Rider.

13 - "Creep," Radiohead
The first major hit for the Oxford band who became one of the most acclaimed and influential groups of the last quarter-century was this grungy rock blast about the love/hate relationship a stalker has with the object of  his obsession.  For a while, the band seemed dismayed by its popularity and shunned performing it live, but they seemed to have reclaimed it in recent years.  As they should, because it's just this perfect little rock song.

12 - "It Must Have Been Love," Roxette
A re-release of the Swedes' 1990 Pretty Woman monster hit.  Still one of their less interesting efforts to these ears.

11 - "The River of Dreams," Billy Joel
His last Top Five on both sides of the Atlantic was this sprightly, gospellish number about spiritual searching.  My main thought about this is that Paul Simon did stuff like this better.

10 - "On the Ropes EP," The Wonder Stuff
This band from the West Midlands picked up thirteen Top 40 hits between '88 and '94.  Number ten was this EP whose title track is a rock song about the battle between artistic and commercial instincts.  I think that's it.  Very good, er, stuff, and I'm more interested to check out their other material now than I was when they were kind of a fringe band on the playlist of Toronto "modern rock" station CFNY.

9 - "Condemnation," Depeche Mode
This latest hit from the Essex synth stars was this gospel-tinged ballad about always feeling unjustly persecuted.  This could be Donald Trump's campaign song.  When will we stop being so unfair to that kind, respectful, warm, and loving humanitarian?

8 - "Life," Haddaway
The first of three other U.K. Top Tens from the man who gave us "What is Love," is this dance tune about romantic uncertainty.  Some definite similarities to his best-known hit, but more minor chords and electric guitar.  Decent, but it's easy to see why it's not the perennial that other song is.

7 - "It Keeps Rainin' (Tears from My Eyes)," Bitty McLean
Given his nickname due to his diminutive stature, Birmingham-born Delroy McLean began a two-year run of hits with this dancehall cover of a 1961 Fats Domino song about being left by a lover.  It's okay, even if the toasting bits seem superfluous.  I should look up the original, though.

6 - "She Don't Let Nobody," Chaka Demus and Pliers
The Jamaican duo of emcee John Taylor and singer Everton Bonner had the second of sic Brit hits with this ode to a faithful lady.  Pleasant reggae-pop, no more or less.

5 - "Right Here,/Human Nature" SWV
Sisters With Voices transatlantic Michael Jackson-assisted Top Five.  Okay.

4 - "Movin' on Up," M People
This Manchester dance group had a whopping 19 hits in the 90s, the biggest being this one, which reached #2.  This is a frankly brilliant update of classic disco, with singer Heather Small delivering a powerhouse vocal about leaving an inadequate lover.  I will admit that I liked this song so much that it was the sole reason I acquired the soundtrack to The Full Monty back in the day.  Ah, the strange things we did for one song back in the pre-everything on demand world.

3 - "Mr. Vain," Culture Beat
This German group formed by Frankfurt DJ Torsten Fenslau had one of the bigger Eurodance hits of the decade with this international charttopper.  It's a catchy beat over which rapper Jay Supreme boasts of how irresistable his sexual prowess is to the female of the species.  It's definitely one of the songs in the genre that stands out and has some legs.

2 - "Go West," The Pet Shop Boys
The London synthpop duo of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe have had some success in America, but at home they have been prolific hitmakers, scoring 42 Top 40 hits to date, including this cover of a 1979 Village People song about heading to a "promised land," often interpreted as San Francisco given the group's not-exactly-disguised homosexuality.  The Boys' version is impressively epic-sounding, even incorporating an all-male Broadway choir on backing vocals.  It's quite rousing and inspirational, and blows away the original.

And topping the charts way back when was...

1 - "Boom! Shake the Room," Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince.
The duo of Jeff Townes and Will Smith (who had by this time dropped the words "DJ" and "The" from their name) never charted higher than #4 at home (with 1991's "Summertime"), but they managed a charttopper here with this harder-edged track.  Smith's rap is shoutier than it had been before (and would be afterward), but it doesn't seem like a pose, and it works for the song.  They wanted to be taken more seriously, but not too much more seriously, and this was an effective effort. A solid party jam.

There you have it.  I slowed down a bit there, but I'm not done, and I will return soon.  Stay tuned.